The End Is Near
by cavanaugh-girl
Summary: A recurring dream...hallucinations. What does it mean? Well I guess it's all in the title. Read! & Review! pls:]COMPLETE FINAL CHAPTERS UP.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own em 

**Ok so I don't know if it's any good but I just started writing and couldn't stop. **

**Read and review please…I'm not sure where this story will take me so if you want to put in your 2cents be my guest pls.**

**3a.m.**

She woke up abruptly from her sleep…if that's what you could call it. She hadn't slept in years; she merely put her head on the pillow and lay still. She argued that she must've slept…how else could she dream then? That was another issue…they weren't dreams…they were nightmares.

She slowly got out of her bed and was heading for the shower. How many more she thought. Lately this had become a routine. She would wake up soaking wet and head to the shower…it was 3 am.

"Morning doll."

She looked up to see an older man staring her straight in the face.

"Could you spare some change for an old man?"

"Get lost," she replied somewhat agitated.

_What? Did I just say that? What is happening to me?_

She now slowly started to become alarmed with her own behavior. The only person on the planet if not the universe that understood Jordan was Jordan herself. Throughout her life people were telling her what to do and how to act but she would always try her best to do everything her own way.

These days however she caught herself listening to Garrett once in a while and just the other day she let go of her headstrong self and actually stepped back to let the Boston PD do its job.

_What is happening to me?_

The few people that know Jordan really know her also know asking for help was not typical for her. Admitting to anyone let alone herself that something is wrong with her is a big event. With her questioning herself these days she became more and more scared. It was not in her nature to ask for help though so for the time being she would deal with it alone.

"Morning Jordan."

"Morning Garrett."

"Don't get comfortable, you're on call. We got a body downtown; Woody's waiting for you there. He made it sound foul play was involved, go do your thing."

"Great…another day another body."

"Jordan? Something the matter?"

"Nothing Gar, I'll keep you updated."

Downtown…

"Jordan hey, the body's down there. Gunshot to the head, chest and both legs…a bit excessive in my opinion. The victim is stripped naked, no wallet nothing. Jordan…you listening or what?"

"Actually Woody no I'm not can't you tell? Last time I checked I still had eyes…I'll go do my thing now if you don't mind."

"Wow Jordan excuse me. This is weird even for you. Do I even want to ask?"

"No you don't," she didn't give him a second look and went down to see the body.

She left him standing there with his heart on his sleeve, trampled on for the millionth time.

She merely glanced over the body and saw Woody was right on the mark with everything, she slightly chuckled. When she finished her job she went over to where Woody was standing feeling she had to debrief him on her findings…she had none. It scared her…this had never happened to her before.

"Well you were right with your findings, I guess I could've sat this one out," she said sarcastically. I'm going down to the morgue, I'll let you know if I find anything you might need for the investigation."

"Ok that's fine. Hey what's up with you? You're not your usual pleasant self." He tried some humor with her; it didn't work.

"Geez Woody, nothings up ok. I can't be miss sunshine just because you seem to be high on Ritalin or something constantly ok. I'll get the results to you when they are in all right I gotta go now."

"Jordan wait…god just wait what did I say that was so wrong?"

She continued walking and wasn't planning on looking back to wait on anyone or explain herself to anyone anymore.

While driving back to the morgue her mind started drifting to the nightmares she was having. She tried to make sense out of them since they were usually out of sequence and they always ended with her waking up abruptly.

Ok I'm in a house alone but I'm hearing noises…they sound like words. Someone is calling me…I hear my name. "Jordan…Jordan…here…he…re..." I can't make out who it is but the voice sounds feminine.

Now I'm outside…why does this look so familiar? So I'm outside and I see someone. It's a figure of a woman, long hair white dress…hmm she looks around my age.

When she snapped back to herself in her car she realized she had driven the whole way in dream mode. Suddenly she felt a bit alarmed, she had driven all the way back with her mind on something else. I could've hit something, someone.

Instead of going to suit up and examine the body further, she went straight to her office and closed the door behind herself.

While she was sitting in her office deep in thought she looked up for a split second and thought she saw the woman from her dream in her office. When she did a double take the woman was gone again. She didn't move a muscle for at least five minutes. There were not many things that scared Jordan Cavanaugh but at that moment she felt terrified.

Something she had feared all her life seemed to come true at that moment. For years after she had found out about her mothers mental illness, she worried about developing a mental illness herself.

In that split second she felt the grasp she had on reality…her reality slipping. It scared her because in the past it had taken her years to even acknowledge the smallest things let alone the bigger issues she was facing.

Her whole life was slowly building up to this moment…it took all but two seconds…she was convinced now that she had her mothers mental illness.

After the incident in her office she had gone to Garrett and requested some time off. When he had asked her how long she remained quiet. Then when he asked her if she felt like sharing what brought about this request she again remained quiet.

"Jordan I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I've known you long enough to know when something is wrong. I will gone on to assume something is wrong and the time off you will spend trying to fix it, am I right? If that is the case I hope I don't have to remind you that I'm your boss as well as your friend. "

"Garrett you know I can't tell you anything right now. There is nothing wrong…I need some time off to contemplate the meaning of life is all." She tried some light humor to put him at ease. She sure as hell would not tell him anything right now…not before she was certain of all the facts herself.

"Oh Garrett I told Woody I'd let him know bout his case…uh can you…"

"Jordan don't worry I got it. I really don't get what brought this about Jordan I'm really worried about you; this is not you. You usually give me this speech after you're done running."

"Yea well things change Gar…I felt it only to be fair to be upfront this time. I'm glad it's appreciated. I'm leaving I'm not sure how long but I will be back Gar…I really hope I do at least."

She quickly ran out the door before he could stop her leaving him once again with a heavy heart. Nobody knew what to do with Jordan when she got in running mode and he felt helpless because he considered her a very close friend. Jordan running away again reminded him of the gaps in their relationship.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own em **

They say death waits for nobody, but what if you have to wait for death to come? Could you take it? What if everything you've experienced meant nothing in the end? Could you take it? Can you fight what you're destined to become?

Jordan hadn't left her apartment in two days. She had told Garret she needed to get away to sort out some things but when she came to her apartment she couldn't leave. Two days she had spent in her apartment; on the kitchen floor, on her sofa…

She couldn't go, it had been so easy in the past to just pack her bags and leave. This time it was different; she was running from herself in more ways than one.

"My whole life I've fought to become what is my destiny."

Two days had gone by and she hadn't slept. She couldn't. The dream was still haunting her, calling out to her, "Jordan…here…Jordan I need you…"

She still couldn't make out the woman or who she was. The brief time she did fall asleep on the kitchen she saw the woman again. She had no face…just her hand that was extended to her. Calling out to her "Jordan I need you" over and over again.

Soon after Jordan startled awake and let out a scream. "What…what do you want from me?" she cried out. "I don't know what you want," she whispered.

Two days had gone by and no sleep. At the end of the second day she dressed herself and got into her car. Hesitantly she started the car as if she didn't know where she was going. After a short ride she stopped in front of a building, a building she had been in many times before. She sat in her seat though for some ten minutes talking herself into going inside. "It has to be done…he can make sense out of it. He can." Five minutes later she was knocking on his door.

Knock…knock…knock knock…knock knock knock…

She could hear some movement coming from the other side of the door, "Ok ok I'm coming hold your horses." She took a deep breath as she heard the door open and cracked a smile…somewhat.

"Jordan!" he wasn't able to mask his surprise.

"Hi," she said nervously. "Can I come in? I don't know why I ended up here…I was gonna leave…" She didn't know how to finish.

"I see, it's late but come in. I wasn't sleepy anyways besides I seem to recall we're at our best outside the office, what do you say?" He motioned for her to come inside.

"Yea I know, thanks Dr. Stiles."

"Oh my dear, don't thank me just yet. How bout some tea?"

"Stiles I'm not here for tea."

"Well then what are you here for?"

"I don't know…you bring out the worst in me but I don't know…on some level it helps."

"Oh, how so?"

She groaned, "Stiles I don't have time for this ok. I just need you to make sense of what's happening to me."

This surprised him a great deal. "Jordan all right what is happening?"

"Well it seems they were right, I'm crazy, I feel crazy, I'm acting crazy…in short I'm losing it doc." She was walking around his living room deciding where to sit but couldn't make up her mind so she just stood.

"Well let me ask you this then, why do you think you're _crazy_?"

She scoffed, "Why? Because I am. I'm seeing things, I feel different…I'm becoming…I'm becoming my _mother,_" her expression changed when she mentioned her mother. This was the first time she actually said it aloud. The thought had crossed her mind many times in the past couple of days, but saying it aloud and to someone else as well was terrifying.

"You think you're becoming your mother?"

"Yea, it's long overdue don't you think? Destiny fulfilled they say."

"Destiny Jordan? You don't believe in destiny. Let's go back to the start, when did you start to fulfill this _destiny_ of yours?"

She finally picked a chair where she sat the remainder of her visit. "I'm dreaming. I see a woman. She's calling me."

"What does she say?"

"She keeps telling me _here_, _she needs me_. It's not a lot but I feel like I have to go to her."

"Oh…tell me more…why do you feel you have to go to her?"

"I can't," she responded more in a childlike manner.

"Sure you can, just relax and close your eyes. Picture the woman…you're safe here ok. Go back to where she is speaking to you, calling you. Can you tell me how you feel?"

Jordan listened to Stiles without a fight. She felt herself relaxed enough to go back to her dream sequence. "I hear her, she's calling me."

"Ok good listen to her, how are you feeling now?"

"I'm scared…scared of her. I don't want to go to her."

"Jordan it's ok remember she can't hurt you."

"She wants me to go with her…her hand is extended towards me."

"Do you know the woman Jordan? Try to look at her face."

"She has no face…"

"No face? _Hmm interesting. _ Why is that Jordan, do you know why she has no face?"

"No…I don't want to…"

"Jordan I want you to look at her face…try for me…try to see her face ok."

"I can't…I …I…wait! I see her…her eyes…I _know_ her eyes."

"Good. That's good Jordan, can you tell me more?"

"I see…oh god I see…_me._"

"You see yourself Jordan?"

"I see myself in her eyes. I see…no!"

"Jordan? What's wrong?"

"I gotta go now. No! I have to leave." She gathered her things and ran out to her car.

"Jordan wait!" he stammered in vain. He couldn't stop her. It wasn't the first time she had stormed out during a session but this time he had a different feeling about it. He felt this time it was more serious, he couldn't let it go.

**A/N: I have no clue how a shrink/therapist/psychiatrist would handle a session (like this), so if it's not really plausible my apologies. **


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own em 

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, girlie73, black.n.blue, and browneyedgirl330. I really appreciate it. This story sparked one of my other stories lol and I'm really enjoying writing them so I hope that you enjoy reading them.**

Somehow Jordan had managed to start her car and drive off to a secluded area where she could gather her thoughts. She was crying and scared to death. The rest of the night she stayed there in her car, not that she wanted to but because she fell asleep and even though she did wake up at one point, she decided to remain put. It was the first time in a very long time that she actually fell asleep without any nightmares to disturb her.

Around 9am she felt a slight vibration. She woke up to the continuing vibration. She finally realized it was her cell phone that insisted she woke up but by then the person calling her had already hung up. Thanks to caller ID she found out that it had been Garret. Another vibration soon after that let her know that she had a voicemail. Hesitantly she dialed the number for her voicemail inbox.

"Jordan? Its Garret…call me."

Even thought the message was very short she heard a distinctive tone in his voice, it broke her heart and if the message was nay longer she might have been swayed to go back. She suddenly realized that she was still in the area, mere miles from her friends. No…she couldn't and started her car once again, destination; the nearest train station.

Down at the morgue…

Jordan's absence had left a big whole not only concerning her work but also in the hearts of the people that she worked with closely. Garret had said it many times before, she was his best ME and he felt it now more than ever. Although the rest of the staff was more than competent to do the work, Jordan managed to work a case with a sincere passion for finding the truth. It was both a quality he admired and at times hated. Right now he just missed it…missed her.

He had called her several times more and left messages each time, each time he had received no reply leaving him worried sick about her. In all the years he had known her and every time she had ran and came back, he had never felt the fear he was feeling now. Every time she had run he had hoped for her return, but this time his gut was telling him not to hope, he felt it was useless.

In that moment of despair he had called the BPD, he had called Woody for help, "find her Hoyt, she's in trouble." He was still trying to give away as little as possible, "I think she's still in town detective, but we need to hurry. She's slipping, I think this time it's really life or death."

Woody was ready to help him, "Dr. Macy isn't that always the case with Jordan?"

He didn't really know how to reply for a second, "Yeah I suppose it is, keep me informed detective.

Outside Garret's office his staff was undertaking a search of their own. Garret had merely mentioned to them that Jordan was taking some time off, but that was fuel enough for the staff…her friends to worry.

A/N: It's short I know but I didn't want to leave you guys w/out anything for too long. R&R ;


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own em

Bug and Lily were with Nigel who was clicking away at his computer. They were brainstorming as to why she left. Sure it was like Jordan to just pack up and leave, but something just told them it was different this time. It had been some years now since the last time she had run and although her life was far from being perfect, they couldn't understand why she had run this time. What was so bad that she had to leave everything she knew? The previous times there had been signs and although at the time nobody saw them, hindsight taught them a lot.

So there they were desperately trying to put all the signs in order. "There were no signs guys," Bug sighed, "now as much as I love her I really think she just left. There was no reason."

Lily frowned, "honestly Bug can't you be a little more compassionate? This is Jordan we're talking about, nothing is just black and white with her, hell it could be purple for all we know."

The two guys just stared at her for a moment until Nigel finally broke the silence that had turned awkward. "Right…well…moving on then, I'm tracing her credit cards and such, but so far no luck. Quite frankly I doubt she'll even be using them but still can't blame a guy for trying."

They continued their search when they were pleasantly surprised by a beep from the computer. It was Jordan; she had finally slipped up.

Down at the train station…

_Damn! _Jordan thought to herself, _no money. No…I can't back now. If I use my card they'll be able to track me down…if they care that is…I hope they don't. Why can't they see it's not worth it? Well I have no choice. Hopefully I'll be on the train if they do come out here. _

"Where to?" the lady behind the counter clearly didn't want to be there.

So sad Jordan thought to herself, "uh anywhere?" She hadn't really thought ahead.

"Sorry hunny, those are sold out, now where to?" the lady proved to be very sarcastic.

"Ok let's see, I need six no eight tickets to different destinations leaving at the same time. Really I have no clue just give me what you have…_please_." She couldn't help but smile, _it must be true what they say then; there really is a thin line between genius and insanity. _She knew that by using her card she would put anybody looking for her hot on her trail. With all the different tickets however she hoped to stall them long enough for her to get away. The lady seemingly have found that bit of compassion she had locked away did what she was told.

Back at the morgue…

Nigel was franticly ticking away at his computer. "Right so her card was just used at the train station. We might be able to catch her if we go right now. I'll let Dr. M know and we can call Woody on our way."

"Honestly Nigel, where do you find these machines?" Lily said excited now that they had a lead on Jordan's whereabouts.

"Love I really can't say," he said with a smirk, "I just know a guy who knows a guy, who actually has a cousin that knows a guy and…"

"Nigel! Forget I even asked." Lily said her head dizzy with all the degrees of separation.

A/N: sorry it's soo short…but didn't want you to think that I'm not continuing this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Crossing Jordan **

She boarded the train without as much as glancing back; she was convinced it was for the best. _The last thing her friends would want to deal with right now were her problems_, she thought. She had put them through enough crap already. What lay ahead was now her own problem she had to deal with. The specifics were not clear yet but her session with. Stiles gave her something to go on.

She was roused from her thoughts by the conductor, "tickets please." She handed him her ticket.

"Sorry ma'am, this seems to be the wrong one."

"Oh wait sorry I must've given you the wrong one. What train are we on again?"

The conductor eyed her for a moment before replying, "we're on the Ohio bound train, is there a problem?"

"Oh no not really, just give me a sec I have it right…here."

He saw her going through a number of tickets and hesitantly checked the one she handed to him. "Traveling a lot I see."

_He needs to go now, _"yeah something like that, so everything ok then?"

"I suppose so," he said a he handed her ticket back to her. He lingered for a second or two then moved on to the next passenger. She sighed in relief; something was telling her that the conductor would cause her trouble later on. She couldn't worry about that tight now though.

_Ohio? Out of all the tickets I picked Ohio? _She dozed off soon after that into a restless sleep…the woman in her dreams had found her way back to her.

"Have you seen this woman? Brown curly hair, brown eyes?" he asked as he held up a picture. Nigel and co had made it to the train station and were busy asking around. After going through a dozen people each they regrouped rethinking their strategy.

"Any luck guys?"

"No, are you sure this is the place Nige?" Lily asked sounding very defeated.

"Positive…hang in there love, we'll bring her home soon." He spotted Woody in the crowd and motioned him over.

"Hey guys, any luck?"

"No, it seems nobody has seen her here, at least nobody remembers her here."

"Let's try the ticket sellers then. Ok…Bug you and Lily try that one over there and Nigel you and I can try the one right here," he said as he went into cop mode.

They were in luck; the lady who had sold Jordan her tickets was still on duty and remembered her. "Oh yeah I remember her, sad little thing really. It was strange though, she bought multiple tickets."

"What's so strange about that?" Woody asked her.

"The strange bit is that all the tickets were for trains leaving at the same time. Now I didn't see anyone else with her and she was acting very peculiarly too."

"Can you tell me the destinations of the tickets ma'am?"

"Oh honey I sell so many of those a day, I can't possibly tell you what they were. Besides she didn't really have any destination in mind as I recall. Yeah she actually had me choose her tickets for her…you still don't think that's strange?"

He wanted to tell her no, it wasn't particular strange if you were Jordan but he let it go. "Is there anything else you can tell us ma'am, the littlest thing can make all the difference so please think about it for a sec."

"Well now that you mention it, I gave her a ticket for New York, San Francisco and Ohio is all I can remember. It's the places I've been to myself."

"Thank you we appreciate the help, here's my card in case you remember anything else."

They left to find Lily and Bug and once they met it was decided that they should go back to their respective offices so they could work on the information they had gathered.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Fine I'll say it…I don't own the rights to Crossing Jordan…eek…ha I did invent the conductor and the rest of the annoying train passengers, you'll see.**

**A/N: ok so I made a booboo…I kept switching back and forth to her being on a train and bus. So I went back and changed it because I decided for her to be on a train. Sorry. **

**Almost near the final showdown….**

**Enjoy!**

_Oh god no…I can't go not now. _Jordan was tossing and turning in her seat, so much that one of the other passengers had alerted the conductor, the same one as before.

"Ma'am wake up," he gently tapped her shoulder, "Ma'am are you ok?"

She sat up with a jolt looking around somewhat disorientated, "Huh what happened?"

"It seems you were having a bad dream ma'am, are you ok now?"

"Yeah I'll be fine. Where are we actually?"

_There it is again_ he thought _she sure is lost. _"We're on the Ohio bound train ma'am, should be entering New York State in a short while."

"Oh ok, well I'm fine now. Sorry to have bothered you I think I'll freshen up now, excuse me." She made her way through the restrooms trying to escape any more questioning.

The other passengers were feeling less than relaxed by her behavior and made it a point to each express their concerns to the conductor. He tried to assure them that they didn't have anything to fear but they weren't giving in. One passenger even suggested dropping her off at the next stop.

"Ma'am I'm sorry but I can't kick her off the train without valid reason, having nightmares just isn't a good enough reason."

"She just seems unstable that's all. I have a bad feeling about her. Doesn't my safety count for anything? We all paid as well."

"I'll keep an eye on her myself; if she causes any trouble I'll tell her to get off at the first available stop. But for now I ask you to leave her alone please."

On her way back to her seat she saw the commotion and decided to stay back and was trying to make out what the passengers were saying. As soon as she heard what they were saying to the conductor anger came over her. _What do these people know…they're acting like I'm some kind of lunatic here trying to…oh god this is it. It's the beginning of the end, they think I'm crazy. _

She decided to get off at the next stop no matter what. She sure as hell wasn't going to sit in this train with these people all the way to Ohio.

Back in Boston…

Although her friends wanted to spend all their time looking for Jordan they still had a job to do. Twenty-four hours had passed since they all went looking for her at the bus depot and they still weren't any wiser to her location. As much as it pained them they had to live their normal lives and routine.

"Do you have anything for me Nige?" Woody asked the tall Brit. Now that Jordan was gone Nigel's caseload was bigger than ever and he slowly started to feel the pressure.

"Ah no I've been running around all morning so I didn't get to it yet. It's on the top off my list I can assure you."

"I was waiting all day for that and now you don't have it? God if..." He bit his tongue.

"Yeah elaborate please if what? If Jordan was here? Yeah she would be running around at your beck and call. Well I'm sorry to say that she not here all right. You're just going to have to deal with me until she decides to show up again."

"I'm sorry Nige, I didn't mean it the way it sounded. We're all worried about her and this case just got me wound up that's all. I'll wait for your call then." He turned around and was about to leave.

"Woody…listen sorry, I don't know what came over me. It's just I can't believe she did it again and to make it worse I can't even track her down with all these fancy equipment I've got here. I just wish there was more we could do you know?"

"We'll find her Nige…in the meantime we have to do our jobs."

"Yeah you're right…I'll start on the report right away."

"Thanks I appreciate that. Call me on my cell when you're done."

The guys in trace 1 weren't the only ones loosing their cool; Bug who was in the next room was examining an older man found face down in the park. He had the pleasure of working with Detective Seely.

"So tell me, what's going on between you and Lily?" Seely knew that this wasn't exactly the way to go about things, but like a little kid who just has to know he went ahead and asked it anyway.

"Me and Lily?"

"Yeah, is there a little something something going on there?"

"Matt you are by far the most despicable man I have met in my life. Leave the room."

"Ouch no need to get all testy, I'll be down the hall…in Lily's office." He gave him a smug smile and left the room.

"Yeah you do that, I'm sure she's just waiting for you to show up," he shouted after Seely but he was long gone.

It was not until later that day in the evening that they managed to get together and discuss their Jordan case. Luckily the night crew was light on work so they gathered in the conference room.

Garret was the first to speak, "Ok she's been gone for a day now not counting the two days she was here in Boston without anyone of us seeing her. Do we have any leads?" He was mainly addressing this to Woody.

"Yeah we found out that she bought a couple of tickets at the station, one to San Francisco, New York and Ohio. The lady told us she bought more but she couldn't remember."

"Well that's a start. Nigel any luck on your part?"

"Sadly no, the tickets are the best bet we've got. I did however manage to talk to a _friend_ who can possibly connect us with the outbound train she was onHe'll ring me as soon as he has something."

"Excellent Nigel." He finally smiled for the first time since Jordan left.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Disclaimer: Don't own em..._**

**_I'm too lazy to double check the actual time to get from MA to NY or Ohio so bear with me please._**

_**There's some switching going on between 2 cities so I hope that's not too confusing or irritating.**_

_**Enjoy, almost there.**_

Call it sheer luck but Nigel's _friend _actually managed to get them a lead in their investigation. As soon as Nigel got off the phone he ran towards Macy's office.

"Dr. Macy", he shouted from the hallway and ran into his office, "I got something..."

Macy looked up from the files that were on his desk, "What do we got?"

"Ok my contact got word of a woman on a train that was upsetting the other passengers."

"And?"

"And she fits Jordan's description; height, weight, hair you know. He said the passengers were _uneasy_ while she was on the train, which for your information was headed to Ohio."

"Was…you mean she got off somewhere?"

"Ah yes that was the part that I was dreading to mention, it seems she got off in New York…she could be anywhere Dr. M," he said in a somber tone looking down at the floor now.

"Nigel good work, you helped us out a lot. I'm going to call this in to Woody. You should go home and get some sleep, you have the early shift tomorrow unfortunately and I need you to be on time.

"Will do Dr. M…just glad I was able to be of some help," he said as he moved towards the door. _I did good…I did good, _he kept repeating this mantra hoping he would believe it if he said enough times.

New York…

_So this is the big apple? I thought LA was bad huh funny. _She wasn't sure what was so funny but she couldn't stop laughing. She saw some passersby were looking at her strangely and realized she was laughing out loud, "What," she yelled at no one in particular, "oh come on this is New York! You've never seen a crazy person before!"

Suddenly she stopped…_what the hell did I just say? I'm crazy? Crazy…I need to lie down._

Back in Boston…

It seemed right as Garret had called Woody with the news he flew into his office. They were coming up with a plan of action. One thing was clear they had to go to New York themselves…the question was who would go?

"Woody I really think I should go."

"Dr. Macy with all due respect I don't think that's a good idea, besides you need to stay here. The only person who could actually act as the temporary CME is Jordan and well you see the problem there. No, I'll go. I have some leave time saved up anyway."

"I'll go with you," someone said from the doorway.

They turned to see Nigel standing there. Garret sighed, "Nigel didn't I send you home already?"

"You did, but I couldn't go. Dr. M she's out there all alone…we need to bring her back."

Knowing Jordan's history with Woody he actually felt relieved once he warmed up to the idea of Nigel being there when they found her. "2 days…I can give you days Nigel. I need you back after that."

He smiled a huge smile, "right will do."

New York…

She found one of those 2-dollar motels in an area where she normally wouldn't be caught dead in…_things were far from normal anyway_ she thought. The trip had worn her out and the thought of a long hot shower momentarily allowed her to look forward to something without dread. The room itself was shoddy to say the least but she didn't care, all she could think about was her shower.

She emerged from the bathroom clad only in a robe, she didn't care about getting dressed and laid down on the bed slowly but surely drifting off to sleep…a restful sleep for the first time in days.

Back in Boston…

It was arranged…Nigel and Woody were on their way to the airport. After having promised Garret multiple times that he would return in two days time Nigel was given the green light to fly out to New York with Woody. He kept seeing Lily's face in front of him, hers and Bug. They both seemed so hopeful that this would work, they would bring her home and make the family complete again.

New York…

Waking up from a restful sleep put Jordan in a good mood, her first in days. She decided to get some fresh air and look around the city while she was here. No harm in enjoying her stay she rationalized. She grabbed some food from a stand on the side of the street…it tasted awful but she didn't have much cash left and _beggars can't be choosers _she told herself.

She didn't know the area and not long after walking around she felt the urge to go back to the motel. There was only one problem where was the motel? Every person she asked brushed her off, _so much for hospitality _she thought. _How the hell am I going to get back now? A cab won't work cause I got no money, I could walk but I'd just get more and more lost. _She decided to take her chances and walk.

Twenty minutes later she was still lost and now the area didn't even remotely look familiar to her. What concerned her more was that the neighborhood she now found herself in looked even worse than the one where her motel was. To make matters worse darkness began to fall.

"Get over it Cavanaugh, you've survived worse," she said aloud. "See like this talking to yourself thing must be higher on the how-screwed-am I-radar. All these damn streets look the same."

She continued to walk for another ten minutes when she heard a sound behind her…footsteps…someone was following her. She quickened her pace, even though she felt she was crazy, she wasn't crazy enough to turn around and call out to whomever was following her. All of a sudden she turned into a street that led to the main road where more people were walking. Finally she dared to look behind her to see who it was that was following her. Her heart skipped a beat…there was nobody there. Did she imagine this? She felt sick to her stomach…so much for sightseeing she had had enough. She decided to once again ask for directions from the first person that would pass her. Luckily it was a little old lady who took one look at her disheveled appearance and took pity on her.

It took her an hour to walk back to the motel. She hated this so much…so much that the second she opened the door she slammed it shut and dropped herself on the bed crying hysterically. She wept for her mother, she wept because of her rough day, but mostly the tears she shed were for herself.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Disclaimer: Not mine…**_

**_Also not mine is the song I used. That belongs to Shooter Jennings, it's from the soundtrack of 'Walk the Line' if anyone is interested. He sings it quite well…it's just so depressing the way he sings it, so in other words PERFECT for my little story. _**

_**Usually I stay away from songs in my stories but this is so fitting it's scary so in order to get the whole thing just hang in there and read it…it'll be worth you're while…ok now I'm just trying to brainwash you…did it work…lol nevermind…but did it?**_

_**Ha sorry bout that on with the story, oh yeah sorry for the wait and all, I'll be honest with ya…the next chappie will probably be a long wait as well…so yeah what can I say? Apologies a thousand times over and I really appreciate all the reviews and responses I got on this fic. Really I heart all of you…ok now really on with the story.**_

_**Enjoy…**_

It was set. She needed to get out of this city…she never had felt so out of place anywhere, even LA seemed appealing to her at the moment. She was seriously contemplating her earlier decision to not go to LA no matter what. Whatever was in LA certainly would not be as bad as NY. She was determined now…off to LA then.

With some luck and determination she managed to hail a cab and was on her way to the train station once again. The ride seemed to take longer than she had expected and she wasn't all too happy about this. Every moment she had to herself would automatically make her think about the reason she had left Boston. In her mind she would go back to her impromptu session with Howard Styles…the session that made all her fears and nightmares come true.

She reluctantly went back to her initial realization of the dream and her session with Styles. She had run from his apartment without any explanation. How could she tell him? How could she tell anyone…how could she tell them that she was positively losing her mind?

What would they think of her? For years one of her biggest fears had been ending up like her mother had. She still had a chance though; she was still alive unlike her mother.

_Alive…will there be anybody that cares once they find out about me? How can they? _She thought to herself. _No they won't! I'm seeing ghosts, this is not normal…my dead mother is calling out to me. My whole life I've wanted her near me and now I'm scared…scared shitless of her. _She was momentarily taken aback by her own words. _Who needs a shrink huh…I can psychoanalyze myself just fine it seems. I can say it. Wow this means progress right? Oh who am I asking? I'm having an imaginary conversation with myself about my dead mother's ghost who happens to visit me in my darkest hour. GREAT I have lost it damn it! This is not normal…no this can't be good._

She was pulled back to reality when the cabbie hit the brake abruptly and informed her she was at the station.

"That'll be 40 bucks" he said.

_40 bucks? That was so not worth it you bastard._ "She gave him his fare…without tip and got out without looking back. If she did she would have seen the cabbie's enraged face. She knew he would not be pleased with her but she could care less about him…just another person judging her. She didn't need that.

She made her way to the ticket seller and bought her ticket to LA. "Great…LA," she sighed, "funny how all roads lead back to LA or Boston for that matter. Since Boston was out of the question, LA would have to do. She remembered all the times she had spent there…alone and on the run …and then there were the times she had been there with Woody. That was all behind her now, but that didn't stop her from feeling sad about it.

She was feeling sad and homesick…although home was a foreign concept to her at the moment she felt homesick for a home she would never have. As if on cue she heard someone singing her feelings. She looked around thinking for a moment her mind was messing with her again but to her relief she saw a man with a guitar in his hand at the entrance. He was caressing his guitar making Jordan longing for her own guitar. In all the hurry she had lost her guitar, it was probably on the train she had taken to Ohio.

The words cut her like a knife. She felt tears coming down her cheeks as she sat down and listened to the man.

_I'm a long way from home_

_And so all alone_

How did he know her heart so well? She was a long way from home…far from her friends.

_Homesick, like I never thought I'd be_

_I'm a long way from home_

"Yes, I never thought I'd be this homesick. I want so badly to go back…but I can't," she said aloud not caring about the passersby who were giving her strange looks.

_And everything is wrong_

_Someone please watch over me_

"Why doesn't anyone watch over me?" she asked herself crying harder, "Why doesn't anyone care?"

_I'm not accustomed to these feelings _

_The loneliness is burning in my soul_

"I've been alone so long…what have I done? I've pushed away everyone that cared about me. Lily…Bug…Woody. Where are they now? They don't care…Garret, you were my friend…couldn't you care…just a little bit? Nigel…you thought you knew me…I just didn't know anyone of you."

_Sometimes the mind is so misleading_

_I wish I'd stayed at home like I was told_

The tears were coming nonstop now. Her mind was misleading her; she wanted to go home…she just didn't know where her home was. Maybe I am wrong…what if they do care about me?"

_I'm a long way from home_

_And so all alone_

"What if they do care? Ha look at me I'm really delusional now. That guy really looks like Nigel. What the hell would he be doing here?"

_Homesick like I never thought I'd be_

_I'm a long way from home_

"He sure does look like Nigel…and that other guy…he looks like Woody. What the hell is wrong with me! Jordan, no! They don't care for you! They can't possibly care," she said as her voice drifted off.

_And everything is wrong_

_Someone please watch over me_

"No one will watch over me," she said as she got up, "time to board the train…let's hope the next town is somewhat better. Ha," she scoffed, "how can it be I'll be there to make myself miserable. I need to get out of here, those guys just look like them too much."

She turned around and started walking towards her platform. She heard her name faintly in the background…having her name called out to her was nothing new in past week so she ignored it. She couldn't deal with her demons right now.

**_A/N: muahahahah this so just happened I wasn't looking for a cliffie but the evil in me made me do it._**

_**Please review since you're here, pretty please with a cherry on top (smile)**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Disclaimer: Not mine…**_

_**Thanks for the reviews, love hearing from ya!**_

_**Enjoy**_

The ride to New York proved to be more exhausting than they both had imagined. There wasn't much talk between the two men other than the usual small talk. The situation was too serious for either of them to crack any jokes and neither wanted to as well.

It didn't escape Nigel's attention that Jordan and Woody weren't on the best of terms as of lately. Knowing this made it even harder for him to even sit in the same cart as him. For Jordan's sake he let it all slide and would possibly never bring it up if they managed to get Jordan home safe and sound.

As the announcement came for their arrival they both sat up straight as if they had to spring into action the second the train would stopped. Neither knew where to begin, New York was a big city and she could be anywhere. The few times they did speak to each other they had decided to first scan the train station in hopes that someone remembered her being there. It was a long shot but they were both eager to take it.

For the next hours they scanned the train station thoroughly, they asked every single person that worked there the same question, had they seen this woman? They even waited for the next shift to come so they could ask them as well. They didn't get much, a couple of maybes, some firm no's and finally some persons refused to talk without a warrant. Why they needed a warrant to answer a simple question was beyond the two men, but they didn't want to wear out their hospitality so they decided to leave it at that.

After their sixth hour of hitting brick walls they decided to take a break. Both men were simply exhausted and neither had eaten anything since they left Boston. Although they also didn't have much of an appetite they couldn't risk their health now being in at least the same city as Jordan, to their limited knowledge that is.

They decided to eat near of if possible at the train station. As they were walking around looking for a place to eat, they heard a man's voice. They located him near the entrance and felt taken in by the man's voice and choice of song. Suddenly Nigel felt bad about the way he was treating Woody the last couple of days. Regardless of what happened between Jordan and him, he was still here now looking for her. "Hey Woody? I don't blame you ok."

"Whoa I never said you did."

"Please save it, you must have noticed my less than friendly behavior towards you."

"Yeah I kinda felt that there was something wrong."

"Well I'm glad you still care enough for her to come all the way out here and help me look for her."

"Nige, I never stopped caring about, regardless of everything I still…I still care for her deeply."

"Well let's get moving then, the sooner we eat, the sooner we can resume…oh sweet Nancy!"

Woody felt like a jolt of electricity hit him and by the looks of Nigel's face he felt the same. "Oh my god is that…"

"It can't be…can it? We found her oh my god we found her! She's getting up Woody hurry," they both started to run towards her.

It was Nigel that called out to her first, "Jordan! Jordan wait..."

Woody soon followed his example, "Jordan! Stop! Please stop, Jordan!"

She didn't even turn around, which made them even more worried because she must have heard them by the looks of everyone else turning around and looking at them.

All of a sudden the station seemed to be swamped with people left and right which made it difficult for them to cut through the mass of people.

"Damn she's getting away, Nige can you tell what platform she's headed to?"

"Looks like…Arizona…Nevada…LA! That has got to be it; she's going to LA Woody!"

"Ok that train is leaving in five minutes, we can make." After being on the train station for six hours, he knew the arrival and departure times by heart.

They had lost Jordan in the crowd, but since they knew or thought they knew where she was headed they didn't worry about losing her…a lot.

Once they reached the platform they quickly scanned their surroundings…she wasn't there. Nigel's face expressed his feelings, he was thinking the worst.

"It's ok Nige, she might have boarded already, let's get on the train," he said with a glimmer of hope in his eye.

"Excuse me can I see you ticket?" a man's voice said as soon as they were on the train.

Woody flashed his badge and informed him they were on official police business, "Sir this will only be a moment, we're looking for a woman. Perhaps you can be of assistance to us, we'd really appreciate that.

The man seemed eager to help; Nigel wasn't sure if he was just trying to get his name in the paper or if he really wanted to help. At the moment either would do as long as he was able to help them.

They finally hit gold; the man had seen her and even knew which compartment she was in.

"Yeah as a matter of fact, I saw her board a minute ago. She wanted to know where her compartment was…let's see I believe it was 402, yeah that sounds about right 402 it's about two compartments down to your left."

"Sir the Boston PD thanks you for all your help…_and so do I"_ he added in his mind.

"Glad to be of assistance, I'll go see if I can delay departure for a few more minutes."

"That would be very kind of you sir, we need to move on, let's go Nige."

They quickened their pace and within a second or two found compartment number 402. To their dismay the door to the compartment didn't have a window so they couldn't see if she was really in there. With their hearts beating like crazy Nigel slowly opened the door. With a quick draw of his breath he opened it fully enough to see inside the compartment.

He let out an angry yell, "Holy mother of god! She's not here Woody! She's not here!

Woody pushed Nigel aside, "What! No, that can't be, he saw her to this compartment…402…no!" He ran his hand through his hair in a moment of defeat. "No! She's here Nigel, she has to be…we just saw her, we JUST saw her," he said as he banged his fists into the door.

Nigel felt his pain, it was similar to the one he was feeling himself right now. Little did the two men know of a certain ME watching them from outside the compartment…her compartment.

**_A/N: Now if I was evil again I would have left you hanging here again, but you're in luck I tucked that part of me away for now so I could give you guys the next chapter as well. It's gonna be real short but I'll explain at the next A/N._**

**_But first let me know about this chapter please, cause you know there's no such thing as free lunch lol, how was it, ya like?_**


	10. Chapter 10

_**Disclaimer: Not mine…**_

**_Initially I wanted to end it at chapter 10 but it seems that I can't finish the story properly if I do that, so I'm gonna have to go with it now, see where it takes me. Hope you don't mind ;_**

_**Enjoy**_

This was not what she expected to see once she returned from the bathroom. She had hoped to get some rest before arriving in LA…her next stop from the roller coaster she was riding. For a minute she wanted to turn around and run as fast as she could from them. Somehow she was frozen stiff at the spot she was standing. A feeling of anxiety overcame her, what were they doing here?

She saw Nigel come out first, he still hadn't noticed her looking in. she waited for the inevitable to happen…and it did. He was looking down at his feet while walking out of the compartment. He looked so tired to her. Slowly he lifted his gaze and she could tell by his changing expression that he realized something was different. Next she saw Woody coming out, his eyes met hers the second he walked out of the compartment and she could see the shock all over his face.

"Jordan! Oh my god Jordan," he stammered.

Now Nigel was staring at her as well, "Luv! It's really you!"

There they were standing in the hallway of the train looking at each other. They all were lost for words. Jordan was the first one to move; she went inside and sat down putting her bag next to her. She didn't dare look at them. The two men exchanged a look before following her lead and sitting down as well.

"Jordan," Woody began, "Jor, hey it's me…god do you know how worried we all were? I'm so glad you're ok."

Nigel jumped in right after that, "yeah luv we were all worried sick about you."

She didn't look at them; a spot on the floor seemed to capture her attention for the moment. The train suddenly began to move and both Woody and Nigel shot each other alarmed looks. They both knew she wasn't likely to come off the train…they realized they had only one option…off to LA they were, all three of them.

Woody stepped outside for a moment to call Garret.

"Dr. Macy…yeah we found her."

"Thank god Woody. Are you guys on your way back?"

"Eh no not really, we're on a train…next stop LA?" he tried to lighten the mood.

"What! What the hell is in LA?"

"Not sure, but that's where we're headed. I'll keep you posted.

"The hell you will, I'm taking the first flight out. I don't like what I'm hearing, how is she doing?"

"I really don't know to be honest; she hasn't said a word yet. I just called to let you know we found her."

"Right, I appreciate that. I'll call you when I land...and detective…keep her safe."

"Will do…will do."

He came back inside to pretty much the same scenario, Nigel looking at Jordan and Jordan looking at the same spot on the floor.

He scraped his throat and began talking to Nigel, "that was Dr. Macy; he's uhm happy to hear whatever update I had for him."

She still didn't stir, "yeah right," Nigel added, "he was especially worried ah we all were."

Nothing. They decided to let it drop for the moment. All that mattered was that Jordan was with them now…safe and out of harms way. They decided to take turns sleeping and finally Jordan decided to move as well. She laid her head down and fell asleep herself.

For the longest time both men just watched her sleep, each feeling a happiness again that had left them when she had left them. Neither wanted to sleep but if they were to keep up with Jordan they needed their rest. After deliberating for a moment it was Nigel that got the shortest end of the stick, he had to sleep first.

_**A/N: Ok now seriously I'm going to have to stop. I'm coming down with something and this is as much as I can write for the moment. Hope these 2 chapters will be enough until I can post the next installment.**_

**_Please review though cause that'll make my day. Something to look forward to while I'm coughing like crazy _**


	11. Chapter 11

_**Disclaimer: Don't own em…**_

_**A/N: I'm baaaaack, thanks for the wait and your kind words guys. I wuv you guys. **_

_**Enjoy!**_

Jordan was stretched out on a makeshift bed on one side of the compartment; Woody and Nigel were sharing the other side, taking turns sleeping or at least that's what they were hoping to do. They were both so tired that they fell asleep instead of keeping an eye on Jordan. The three of them slept for a little while and it was Jordan who woke up first.

She was somewhat disoriented and didn't seem to understand for a second what the two men were doing in her compartment. Slowly the events of a couple hours ago came back to her, they had found her. No matter how hard she had tries to disappear they had come and found her. She didn't know how she felt about that. If she wanted their help she would have stayed in Boston.

This infuriated her; why didn't they just leave her alone? She didn't want to be found, didn't they understand? They didn't that's the only answer that made any sense to her. On some level she was glad that they were here with her now. Deep down she longed to go back with them…back to the where it used to be safe. She didn't know where it was safe anymore. LA wasn't much of a safe haven either but in her mind the further away from Boston, the safer she would be.

She looked over the two men again, don't they understand? As if on cue they both stirred and slowly woke up, first Woody, then Nigel. It seemed to be the order of the day to wake up a little disoriented. They both looked around and once their eyes fell on each other, they kind of leaned back and nodded to acknowledge the other's presence. Then they seemed to realize that there was a third person watching them, Jordan.

"Hey you're awake…how are you feeling?" Woody asked his voice laced with concern.

She didn't reply. She just looked at him and then switched her gaze to Nigel. It took her several minutes before she opened her mouth and made her reply.

As she looked down she began to speak, "you guys shouldn't have come. I'm not going back…I can't."

Her response first made them feel somewhat of a relief, she finally acknowledged them. Then they realized what that response had been, how determined she had sound. Surely they could change her mind?

"Jordan please talk to me luv, what is going on in that pretty little head of yours? Hey it's me Nigel; you know you can talk to me."

She went back to being stoic, she kept quiet again and diverted her eyes to the window and started staring at all that the train passed by.

The two men looked at each other again, a knowing look in their eyes. This was going to be more difficult than either of them had initially thought. Woody made an attempt to pick up where Nigel had left off.

"Jor, please just tell us what's wrong. We can help you if you just let us in, please let me in. It can't be that bad…come on after all that we've been through I'm sure we can tackle this one as well. So just…please just talk to me."

Her head snapped to where he was sitting, "talk! You want me to talk! Sure you want me to talk so you can use it against me. Well no way I won't let you get me." She rose and made a move to the door. When she saw that the two men rose as well she became even more furious, "NO stop following me! I don't need you…leave me the hell alone," she said as she stormed out.

Nigel wanted to run after her but Woody stopped him, "No let her go, the train is in motion. She won't have anywhere to go, just let her cool off."

"Woody did you not just witness what happened? Obviously something is very wrong; we can't let her be alone right now."

"_Obviously _she doesn't want us around. Now we'll be here for a little while till we reach LA, do you really want her to avoid us the whole time? As soon as she cools off we can try talking to her again."

Nigel reluctantly agreed and to his surprise Woody was right, about a half hour later Jordan returned. She didn't even as much as look at them when she sat back down continuing her earlier stare outside the window.

They remained silent again, something that Jordan was thankful for. The men however hated every second of it but it was necessary as they both slowly came to a painful realization. The two men as different as they were, were coming to the same dreadful conclusion…Jordan was gone. The Jordan they knew was not the same Jordan sitting in front of them. They had seen her outbursts before but this time it was different. The look in her eyes alone was different; it was hollow…void of any real emotion.

In her mind though Jordan was going through a thousand and one emotions…something she kept hidden from them. She didn't want them to ever find out how she really felt. The tension in the compartment was so thick you could cut it with a knife but Jordan welcomed it. This way they wouldn't ask her any more questions she didn't want to answer, questions she couldn't answer.

**_A/N: Ok so this was just a filler chapter. I never really had the story for the train ride so this just was awkward. But if I didn't write at least something about the ride then I dunno it wouldn't be as believable. However the good news is that the action starts now…well not really good news oops I have said too much. _**

_**Review puhleese, because you know that brightens up my day.**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Disclaimer: I don't own em…**_

_**Enjoy**_

There was only one thing on Garret's mind when he left Boston. The same thought kept him preoccupied when he was on his way to the airport and when he finally boarded the plane all he could think about was Jordan. Her behavior had him fear the worst; in all the years he had known her, she had never acted _this_ erratic.

The plane ride was long and tiresome, it didn't help that he hadn't heard from Woody or Nigel since he had left Boston. He knew they were on their way to LA but that was hours ago already. A lot could've happened in that time and with Jordan you apparently never knew anymore.

When he finally arrived at LAX the first thing he did was call Woody. He picked up after the fifth ring something that made Garret even more anxious and irritable than before.

"Why the hell aren't you picking up your phone detective? I told you I'd be in touch."

Woody was too tired to get into it with Garret so he let it go, "yeah ah Dr. Macy sorry about that. What can I do for you?"

"You can start off by telling me where the hell you guys are."

"We're set to arrive in about two hours and we'll meet you at your hotel I guess. Where you staying doc?

"I'm at the Marriott near LAX, I'll be down at the lobby or room 405. Call me when you get here and detective…no detours, come straight to the hotel."

"Gee guess I should cancel that trip down to Hollywood Boulevard then…doc I know."

"Just get her here safely," he said right before he hung up. It was a long trip and he wanted to save all his strength for Jordan…it would be a task convincing her to come back home with them.

Meanwhile the two men and Jordan were nearing the end of their awkward train ride. Jordan had been sleeping since she made it clear she wasn't going to talk. She was having one of her nightmares again and woke up screaming, shivering and dripping with sweat.

"NO stay away!" she screamed as she sat up straight. She took one look around before putting her head in her hands and rocking herself back and forth.

Nigel and Woody were right outside the compartment plotting their next move. As soon as they heard her scream they made their way back inside. They each knelt down beside her, "Jordan luv are you all right?" Nigel asked his voice laced with concern.

"Oh my god Jordan you're shivering," Woody said as he took of his jacket and put it around her to keep her warm. He moved to her side and started to gently stroke her arms and shoulder.

She seemed to respond to this and stopped shivering all of a sudden. She lifted her head and looked at the two men responding to them with an attempt at a smile. "She wants to take me with her…I just can't do it…I…I can't," she managed to say before she broke down crying.

Woody moved to hold her but Nigel moved quickly and stationed himself next to her. "Luv its ok we're here to keep you safe," he said as he took her in his arms and caressed her head. "Shh it's going to be all right, nobody is going to take you away I promise."

She looked up at him, "you promise?" she asked in a childlike manner.

"You bet luv, you're too precious to me. I won't let anyone hurt you," he said as he looked at Woody…it was a warning to all that wanted to hurt Jordan…_all._

Understanding the underlying message in Nigel's words he moved back and sat himself down opposite them with nothing to do but watch him hold the woman he loved. _Damn it, what the hell is he doing?_

It took her a few minutes but Jordan fell asleep again, this time she was in Nigel's arms. When Woody saw she was sleeping again he looked at Nigel, "what the hell was that man," he whispered so Jordan wouldn't wake up.

"What was what?" Nigel said nonchalantly.

"Cut the crap Nige, one minute you say it's not my fault the next you're moving in before I even have a chance to comfort her."

"Look here, she's very upset and I know what I said before but you've also hurt her before and now is really not the time to pull a stunt like that again detective. I'm just looking out for her, and besides she seems to be responding more to me than you."

Woody wanted to make his response but Jordan stirred and in fear of waking her he decided to drop it for now.

Silence…the rest of the trip the two men didn't speak, they were both deep in thought as Jordan peacefully slept through the remainder of the trip.

At the hotel…

Garret in the mean time checked into his hotel room and booked one extra room for the guys. If Jordan was really doing as bad as he thought she was doing then her sleeping in a single room was out of the question. He decided to share his room with her while Nigel and Woody could fight over the other room.

All he could do now was wait for their arrival and hope for the best. After waiting nearly an hour in his room the walls started to close in on him so he decided to walk around the hotel in order to pass some time. Minutes later he found himself in the hotel bar staring down at a glass of scotch. That's how he spend the next thirty minutes…contemplating to down that drink or not.

_It's just one glass…who's going to find out?_ He reasoned with himself, _just one last time, just to taste it one last time. No one will ever know. You want it…hell you need it,_ his last thought before he picked up the glass and emptied the contents down his throat. _You're a weak excuse for a man…yeah then I won't mind getting a second one. _Before he knew it he had downed three shots already. He saw a clock hanging somewhere in the back and realized they had arrived twenty minutes ago…they'd be here any minute now. He quickly ordered some coffee to sober up a bit.

He had failed her once again. How the hell was he supposed to help her when he couldn't even help himself?

To make matters worse his cell began to ring incessantly. Caller ID showed Woody's name but he already knew that.

"Macy."

"Hey doc we're here. We'll meet you at your room. She's sleeping so we need to get her to a bed before she wakes up."

"Ok I'll be waiting…room 405." _God help me._

**_A/N: Meh I don't like this chapter, I wish I could fast forward to where I know it's going to be good but then you'll all be lost and we can't have that lol_**

_**Ok just review and let me have it, I can take it.**_


	13. Chapter 13

_**Disclaimer: I don't own em…**_

_**Enjoy**_

Garret stood outside his room and contemplated just turning around and leaving LA altogether. In his current condition he could not be of help to anyone, but for her sake he had to try…she was like a daughter he couldn't walk out on her like this. _Yeah great way of showing that, getting drunk is the way to go; _he thought as he swiped his card and stepped into his hotel room.

_You can't back out on her now; she's done too much for you in the past. _He proceeded to the bathroom in an effort to sober up in the few seconds he had before they'd knock on his door. He was right…it was mere seconds later that he heard a knock on his door. _Great…the beginning of the end…_

The second he opened the door his eyes immediately searched and found Jordan, _oh my god she looks like hell. She makes me look good, what the hell happened to her?_

"Put her on the bed guys," he whispered causing Nigel to do a double take and look at Garret more intently.

He _knew_…Garret knew that he knew but pretended that he didn't. For now he was working hard to not give away anything else and help Jordan as much as he could…if he could. The biggest factor playing against him was his own weakness and stupidity.

Nigel was surprised to say the least, he didn't understand why his boss would do such a thing…out of all the possible places and times he had chosen this time and place to make his old mistakes again. He was somewhat relieved to see him able enough to pretend he was all right…relieved for Jordan's sake. This wasn't something they should deal with right now, but he had chosen this moment so he had no choice.

"Dr. Macy I need a word with you, out in the hallway," he managed to say appearing calm and determined.

"All right, Woody you stay with her in case she wakes up." They stepped in the hallway and Garret immediately shifted in boss mode. "Look Nigel just save it, I don't need to hear this least of all from you."

"Well that's just too bad cause you will have to, I cannot even begin to understand what is going on and why now…why you had to do this now but it stops here. You're can't help her drunk out of your mind, in fact I won't let you."

"Nigel I don't think you understand who you're talking to."

"I am fully aware of who you are and I also know how much you mean to Jordan, which is why I'm doing this."

The mention of her name made Garret switch back to their current situation, "it's not how it looks. I was just…"

"Dr. Macy please I don't need to know. Whatever it is…it needs to wait, Jordan needs us more than we first thought." He continued to tell him about the dream she had on the train.

"We need to get her back to Boston where she can be seen by a professional."

"You really think that is necessary Dr. Macy? She hates seeing shrinks, every time we need to see Dr. Styles she tries to back out of it."

"I know how she feels about him but I've known her a long time and I've seen her in bad shape before. However from what you guys were telling me and her behavior…I've just never seen her like this before."

The door to the room opened and before they realized that it wasn't Woody who opened it they were both shoved aside. Garret already unbalanced from the alcohol fell to the floor while Nigel managed to hold on to the wall. The next thing they knew Woody ran out of the room following Jordan.

"What the hell!" Nigel exclaimed, "Woody wait!" he sped off after the two. Garret tried to get up and join them but getting off the floor proved to be quite an accomplishment. He was mentally kicking himself for drinking those shots earlier; _can't even get of the floor and you want to help her? _He was even more depressed now than before because he couldn't understand why the alcohol was having this effect on him. This had never happened to him in the past after so _few_ drinks. Now…now he was lying on the floor of some hotel in LA. He was here to help Jordan, _what a joke, _he thought.

Woody and Nigel returned to find Garret still lying on the floor. He saw them coming and decided instead of making a pathetic attempt to get up, he would lie on the floor and let them help him up. "Care to help up an old man," he said in a really pathetic attempt to lighten up the situation which confused Woody even more.

"Dr. Macy? Are you ok?"

"Yeah Woody doing great, I'm just tired from the flight apparently. When she knocked me down I had a hard time getting up."

That seemed to be enough to answer his question as he reached down and helped him up. He gave Nigel a nod to come and help him. They put Garret on the bed where Jordan had been moments before sound asleep or so they thought.

"Woody what the hell happened here? She was asleep what did you do to her?" Nigel said in an accusing tone.

"Hey hey no, she knocked me off my feet all right! I was right over there by the minibar getting a snack when I heard someone move. As soon as I looked up she whacked me right in the face. Man she has a mean right hook!" he said as he felt his jaw.

"Why would she do that to you…to us? Something must have forced her to run off like that." Garret said in an effort to be of help.

"Yeah, Dr. Macy is right. She wouldn't hurt us unless something else which she has no control over…"

"Like what Nige!" Woody interrupted, "something else? It was her trust me I saw the look in her eyes. It's not the Jordan we know…her eyes didn't respond to me at all. I don't know who that woman was, it wasn't the Jordan we all know and love. She's gone."

The room went silent…they were all thinking the same thing; the situation just went from bad to worse.

"Great friends we are," Nigel commented, "it seems she doesn't trust us anymore. We have no clue where she ran off to. What now?"

"Now…now we wait for her next move. She's the only one who can tell us what's next unless…unless she is where I think she is. Nigel! I think I know where she is!"

"Well Woody spill!"

"No time. Meet me out front in a bit guys, I'm going down to get a rental car. You…you and Dr. Macy get ready," he said as he hastily walked to the door.

As soon as Woody was gone Nigel began lecturing Garret again, "do you think you're up for this?"

"That's what I came here for."

"Really now…so not just to try the local bars then?"

"Nigel, spare me the dramatics really."

"You saw what just happened; we can't afford to make anymore mistakes."

"When did you become so all knowing?"

"When it became necessary Dr. Macy…when it became necessary."

Garret understood this was mostly his fault. Since he had found the bottle the morgue had been a less than desirable place to be let alone to work at. He vowed to show them his appreciation of their support when he returned back to Boston. Now he needed to focus on Jordan…and keep himself from repeating his old mistakes.

**_A/N: Whaat I can't believe I just let this hang like this! mischievous grin _**

_**Folks we're on a downward spiral so how am I doing so far, is it somewhat believable?**_

_**Ok so drunk-Garret is not easy to write, well to me at least and I have no clue if he should have been more coherent or less coherent after three shots of whatever he drank, but I needed him to say his lines so he was drunk but not that drunk. Lol what the heck am I trying to say? Okay not sure when the next one will be up.**_

_**Review please, thanks!**_


	14. Chapter 14

_**Disclaimer: I don't own em…**_

_**Thanks for caring guys.**_

_**Enjoy.**_

Jordan's POV

Jordan woke up where Woody and Nigel had placed her. After checking her surroundings she moved to the adjoining room where she spotted Woody on the other side of the room. Still groggy from her sleep and exhausted from the trip, she couldn't recall why he was here…why she was in this room or better yet how she got to the room in the first place.

She retreated back to the bed and started to collect her things when she suddenly remembered why he was here. _He's here to take me back! They're here to take me back! No, I won't let them!_

She felt sick, sick to her stomach, _why are they doing this to me? I don't want to go back, I can't go back_. Feeling trapped she took a couple of steps forward and did the only thing she could think of, she hit him…she hit him hard, knocked him right of his feet. _That should buy me some time_, she thought as she ran towards the door and opened it.

To her surprise Garret and Nigel were right outside, _damn! I can't back down now…god I never meant for this to happen guys but I have no choice…you left me no choice! _She barged right through them never noticing Garret falling to the floor or the two guys calling out and running after her. She kept going, ran straight for eight blocks before finally _allowing_ herself to be tired.

She looked around and was thinking the area seemed vaguely familiar to her. She couldn't remember if she had ever been to this part of town before. Whether she had or not had to wait for later because right now she was in desperate need to get out of here. After a couple of attempts to stop a cab she finally managed to get one. She quickly checked her pockets and bag for cash and remembered she had none. _Great, of course I have no cash. _

She let out a laugh when she saw her iPod, _hell maybe I can trade this for a ride. _To her surprise and relief the cabbie actually took the iPod with both hands and told her he would take her wherever she needed. _Must've done something good along the line, _she thought as she stepped into the cab and told him where to go, finally putting her head down. The last coherent thought she had before dozing off was how free she felt.

A sudden stop jolted her back to reality; she was here…her final destination.

Back at the hotel…

Garret and Nigel met Woody out front as requested and stepped into the rental once he drove up. They still didn't know where they were going, "care to fill us in then?" Nigel inquired.

"Long story short she's at the beach," he replied.

"The beach…she decided to get a tan? Why on earth would she go to the beach now?" Garret spit back.

_Come on; just believe me when I say she's there…God please let her be there. _"It's where…it's where she brought me back last time when I was lost…she's really lost right now so it only makes sense she went there."

"I hope you're right," they both knew the beach meant more than either off them was letting on.

The drive seemed to take an eternity but they finally arrived at the beach. They had to start over once again. The beach was packed; finding Jordan in this ocean of people seemed to be impossible but that didn't stop the guys from trying.

"All right I guess the best way to go about this is to split up, Nigel you and Dr. Macy can team up. Keep your cell phone free; we'll call if we make any progress."

Woody didn't know what was going on with Garret but for now teaming him up with Nigel would be the best thing to do he reasoned. It would be one less thing for him to worry about.

Meanwhile Jordan found an area on the far north side of the beach where fairly few people were sunbathing and keeping to themselves. It was a perfect spot for her to get her thoughts straight. First off she didn't really understand why she had told the cabbie to bring her here. There were so many memories at this beach…memories she didn't want to be reminded of right now.

She wasn't that person anymore. Last time she had brought Woody home when he was lost. She couldn't do that for herself, she didn't recognize herself anymore. She was going along with the motions of her body not understanding why and how. Why would she when she was running away from Boston and everything attached to it come to a place with so many memories…_happy _memories?

She sat in bewilderment for an hour or so when she noticed the sun was beginning to set. The few people that were near her had left long ago without her even noticing. She was all alone once more. Feeling strangely calm and very tired she lay down and shut her eyes. She was drifting off when she heard her name. She quickly sat up and looked around.

There was nobody in sight. She felt her heartbeat going a mile a minute. There was no one else here, she knew what that meant. The train was the last time shesaw _her_. Suddenly tears were forming in her eyes; "I don't know what you want from me!" she called out. "I don't understand…at least make me understand why you're doing this to me! _Mom?_ Are you there? Why are you doing this to me?"

By now she was standing and spinning in circles screaming. In her mind she was addressing her mom but if someone were to walk by she would have looked like a madwoman…screaming to no one in particular. She was looking around frantically as if she expected her to appear in front of her. She started to walk her steps becoming faster and faster until she was running as fast as she could.

She ran until she reached a pier, it took her a few moments to realize it was the same pier where she had found Woody on all those years ago. The same pier where she had shown him the way home…_home is right behind you_...he couldn't do the same for her even if he tried.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Disclaimer: I don't own em…**_

_**Enjoy.**_

It was dark now and very few people were still on the pier. She slowly began to walk towards the steps that would put her on the pier. The adrenaline rush slowly began to wear off with each step she took. Her eyes were fixed on a point at the end of the pier. The moon was shining bright and on any other occasion the setting could be described as romantic but there was nothing romantic about her presence on the pier.

When she reached the pier halfway through she paused and finally stood completely still. She finally looked around to observe her surroundings and noticed most of the people were heading back towards the beach, _good_, she thought. _I should be alone for this, it's only fitting. _After giving the beach a final look she continued her journey to the end of the pier.

Woody first stop was the lifeguards' station, it pained him to tell them the details of the situation but he was convinced Jordan was capable of hurting herself now and he told them so. They in turn immediately contacted the beach patrol. Knowing that he would have some kind of back-up once he or Nigel would find her made him feel somewhat relieved. Jordan…the woman that knocked him out back at the hotel would not come with them without a fight. While he wasn't concerned about their own safety, hers was a different matter.

Beach patrol agreed to let him come along when they searched for her. He told them their first stop should be the pier; he had a gut feeling that's where they would find her. He phoned Nigel on the way to give him the latest update.

"Why didn't you tell us about this before?" Nigel replied after hearing she might have been at the pier all along. "We've looked everywhere and now you inform us she's at the pier?"

"Calm down Nigel, I don't know if she's there…I just think she's there so we're on our way there right now."

"Well bloody hell man…we're on our way then. We've looked everywhere else and no trace of her."

"Fine." _Jordan…please let me be right…I hope you remember your way home…just hold on we're coming…_

Woody arrived at the pier before the others and instead of waiting he went on and started walking looking around for any signs she was there or had been. He didn't see her standing at the end since it was so dark. He was about to turn around again and wait for the rest when something caught his eye…a movement…_Jordan? Jordan…God no, please don't move._ Suddenly he heard footsteps behind him as well; Nigel and Garret had finally caught up with him.

"Any sign of her Woody?" Garret inquired now completely sober.

"Shhh Dr. Macy…she's right there. She's…she's…"

"Oh God no! No, this can't be," he said and began to run towards her. "Jordan! Jordan get down from there now!"

She had been staring at the dark horizon so intently that she hadn't noticed the guys coming closer to her. When Garret called out to her she nearly lost her balance as she was standing on the ledge. "Garret?" she called out surprised. "No…get out of here."

"Jordan what are you doing? This is not necessary please come down from there."

"I can't, she needs me. I know now…I know."

She wasn't making any sense to Garret anymore, "who needs you?"

"She was calling me because she needed me…all along I thought she wanted to hurt me…she just needs me…she needs me."

He looked back at the guys mouthing the words "call for help" and turned his attention back to Jordan. "Jordan that's not possible, you know that."

She finally turned his way and looked at him; he could see the tears about to spill over, "that bad huh…it's that unbelievable that someone would actually need me."

"Jor…no that's not it, please just come down from there and we'll talk."

"There's nothing to talk about…it's too late now."

He realized pleading with her to come down wasn't really effective and decided to approach her in a different way, "oh so that's it then? You're just going to give up?"

"I don't have a choice…"

"You always have a choice Jordan; you off all people know that. You think you're the only person that's in a hard place?"

"I'm losing my mind…I…I…" she fell silent, telling Garret what was happening to her made it more real.

Her confession threw him off as well but he couldn't afford to be overwhelmed right now. "And that's reason enough to act this way? You have us worried out of our minds…we're out here chasing you cross-country and all because you think you're losing your mind. Well I got news for you; you lost your mind a long time ago. Hell I lost my mind the day I hired you and again when I re-hired you."

Now it was her turn to be confused, "wha…so that's the truth then huh…"

"The truth is you're selfish Jordan. What gives you the right to decide your problems are bigger than anyone else's?"

"I'm seeing my dead mother's ghost Gar! I'm hearing voices…is that not enough to be considered big!"

"And I've been slowly drinking myself to death! Well make room then, I should be up there next to you," he said as he climbed up on the ledge next to her.

Jordan wasn't expecting this, she knew if they ever found her they'd try to persuade her to come back with them but this…this was not how it was supposed to go.

"Gar, what are you doing? Get down."

"I will, as soon as you step down I'll gladly come down."

She paused for a second trying to read from his face if he would really jump if she did. "Give it up Gar…you're not going to jump."

"Try me," he said making her feel uneasy.

"Just go away you don't understand."

"Then make me understand, why now? Why are you doing this now? We can help you through this, we're family… remember?"

"No…I'm all alone don't you see. They've all left me, I'm not worth it." She started to look back down at the dark water below her.

"Don't you dare say that! Look around…you're worth it to us. We wouldn't be here if we didn't care. Don't play that card on me…it's not working. You're taking the easy way out. This is just another way for you to run from your problems."

"Then let me! I give up…I finally give up! I can't take anymore of this…I'm turning into my mother and I can't handle it! This has to happen…it has to!"

The events that unfolded next happened too fast for anyone to grasp. With her last line of resolution Jordan leaned over and let herself fall in the dark waters below her. As soon as Garret realized what she was doing he desperately tried to grasp her arms but failed. If it weren't for Woody and Nigel he would have fallen in as well.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Disclaimer: I don't own em…**_

_**Enjoy.**_

They all simultaneously screamed her name and watched her fall feeling absolutely helpless. Woody and Nigel both moved to jump in after her but the beach patrol officers held them back. It took nearly six of them to hold the two men down as they were struggling to get free.

Dazed and confused Garret yelled at the beach patrol officers to do something…anything to help her. They quickly established radio contact with the team of divers below. When Woody had informed them earlier of their situation they had been alerted and on the look out for any possible jumpers.

When ten minutes passed by with no word yet on her whereabouts, they were told the current was too strong and chances of locating her body were slim to none.

"She's not dead yet mate! She's not a body…it's still Jordan…" Nigel said with a hint of defeat in his voice. "She has a name…she has a name."

The officers went about their work leaving the men to their individual thoughts and feelings.

"I should've dragged her from there," Garret said blaming himself for what had happened. "I should've done more, I could've done more."

"No…Dr. Macy, you did all you could. We all did…we tried," Woody replied.

Nigel looked at both of them with confusion apparent in his eyes, "I can't believe it…you're giving up?" They didn't seem to understand what he meant by that, "this is Jordan we're talking about here. She's a fighter! She would never give up on us, and I'll be damned if I give up on her now."

"Nige what more do you want? We all saw her jump and you heard the man…it's been too long and the current is just too strong. She never stood a chance."

"Woody you want to give up on her…be my guest mate…but I can't do it, I just can't."

"Damn it Nigel! Don't you think I care about her too? It's killing me to even think she's gone…I'm not giving up, not now not ever."

"Good then here's you're chance to prove it, I'm going to look for her myself…you coming?"

"Lead the way, I'm right behind you. Dr. Macy you coming?"

After a nod of agreement from Garret they headed down to the beach in hopes of finding her alive and well.

Since they didn't have any diving gear they were forced to search only as far as they could swim. Against repeated warnings from the coast guard they entered the water anyway and began to search for her.

After repeatedly diving down and swimming against the current the three men were becoming extremely exhausted so they reluctantly returned to the shore. The last thing they wanted to do now is shift the rescue effort to them.

The current had moved them down the beach without their knowledge and they were relieved when they saw they were near a rock formation. It seemed they were more exhausted than they even had realized. As they were hoisting themselves up the rocks Garret happened to look to his left, what he saw nearly gave him a heart attack.

"My God…Jordan! Guys down here!" he yelled as he made way to her seemingly lifeless body. "Nigel! Woody! It's Jordan."

They all had left their cell phones on the shore by their shoes and other items they couldn't swim with. With no other means of calling the coast guard they decided to just call out to them. They were lucky there were still many of them searching for Jordan, because they were spotted within mere minutes.

Meanwhile Garret was giving Jordan CPR until the paramedics reached them. "There's no pulse and she's not breathing guys," he said before concentrating on Jordan again.

As soon as the paramedics came they took over and right before they were about to put her in the ambulance she coughed and the water that filled up her lungs came out.

One of the beach patrol officers offered to give them a ride to the hospital where she was taken to. Once they were on their way to the hospital the three men allowed themselves to feel a hint of relief for the first time. They knew she wasn't out of the woods yet but finding her gave them hope.

Once in the hospital they had to wait nearly two hours before the doctor came out and gave them an update on her situation. "My name is Dr. Finch, I'm assuming you're all here for Jordan Cavanaugh?" he said addressing all three of them.

They nodded and Garret stepped forward asking all the questions, "How is she? Is she…"

"She made it through the surgery."

"Surgery?"

"Apparently she had some internal bleeding that had to be stopped, she got here in the nick of time…even a five second delay and it would have been too late."

"Oh God, so she's ok now?"

"Not quite, we need to keep her here naturally considering her condition. She also broke her left arm as well as her left leg. It seems the major impact was on her left side. Other than that she broke her collar bone, I believe that came from the impact of when she hit the water."

"Can we see her?"

"She's being wheeled out of surgery as we speak one person at a time and no longer than five minutes, it's very important that she rests. Which one of you is her next of kin?"

They were all silent for a moment. She was like family to them but the sad reality was that none of them really had that blood tie with her.

"I'm on her emergency contact list, I'm Garret Macy," Garret said breaking the silence.

"I need a word with you then in private Mr. Macy. Let's head down to my office and then you guys can visit your Ms. Cavanaugh in the meantime, remember five minutes," he said addressing Nigel and Woody.

And so they split up one group to see Jordan and the others to discuss her condition. Garret had a feeling he knew what Dr. Finch wanted to discuss, "Dr. Finch what is all this about?"

"Well Mr. Macy I realize that this must be very difficult for you and all that are involved, but I'm going to recommend that Miss Cavanaugh sees Dr. Michaels."

"Dr. Michaels?"

"Yes, she has worked many suicide cases and she can help Miss Cavanaugh."

"Wait…wait, a psychiatrist? No, I'm sorry but we're heading back to Boston as soon as Jordan's strong enough. She'll get all the help she needs back home."

"I'm sorry but I'm afraid that I can't allow that just yet."

I'm sorry too…it seems you're under the impression I was asking for permission. Dr. Finch both Jordan and I work for the Massachusetts county morgue, we undergo psychiatric evaluations every quarter. Evaluations that get reported back to me, I am well aware of her well-being and I promise you she _will _get the help she needs once we get back." Garret turned on his heel and left to see his friend. He didn't care much for Dr. Finch's opinion right now and if need be he'd fight him on this every step of the way.


	17. Chapter 17

_**Disclaimer: I don't own em…**_

_**Enjoy.**_

Looking into Jordan's room neither Woody nor Nigel was prepared for what they saw. She was lying there, helpless…vulnerable…broken. Since she was just wheeled out of surgery she was still pretty much out of it. The nurse had informed them she was expecting her to wake up completely within the next hour more or less. The pain of seeing her lie there was too much for the men so they decided to wait outside for Garret.

"Do you think she'll pull through?" Woody asked.

"She has to, there's no other way," Nigel replied.

"She won't be happy to see us that's for sure." Woody looked up to see Garret coming their way. "Dr. Macy is everything all right?"

"Yea Woody everything will be fine." He looked into the room and shared the same feeling of despair as the two men had earlier.

"Dr. M…what did the doctor want?" Nigel said fearing the worst.

"He wants her to stay overnight…I think that's best considering…"

"Why do I get the feeling that that's not all?" Nigel had always been able to pick up unspoken thoughts. "What are you not telling us Dr. M?"

"They need to follow procedure, which was to be expected."

"Plain English please," Woody added. "Procedure meaning they need to keep her longer?"

"They want to commit her basically. Guys listen I'll take care of this. There is no way she's staying here a second longer than necessary." He was determined to take his friend home.

The two men looked at each other. "Dr. M with all due respect how in the world are you going to do that?" Nigel said.

"It's not important. Has she come to yet?" he asked making it obvious the subject should be dropped.

They both understood; there were some things that didn't need to be said not now not ever. "The nurse expects her to wake up within the hour. We didn't go in yet…would you like to be first Dr. Macy?" Woody asked. He nodded and went inside.

They each took a turn at going inside and decided to wait the rest of the time outside her room, it was near enough for them to keep an eye on her. The nurse's prediction proved to be right almost to the exact minute; she woke up within the hour. After the doctor and the nurses did their examinations, they were finally allowed to see her. After deliberating for a moment her friends decided to see her one by one so she wouldn't feel overwhelmed. After all the last time she saw them wasn't exactly heartwarming for any involved.

They decided Garret should go first and so he did. He slowly but steadily entered her room again. With all that was going on right now he knew he had to be strong. Now wasn't the time to breakdown again like he had done before. _I can't let her down like that again. God I want a drink so bad now, _he thought. Both their lives seemed to be on the line here. She looked like she was sleeping but the nurse had told them that she was awake so he knew that she was not ready to see him yet. Still she needed to know he was here for her even if she didn't want to hear it.

"Jordan?" he said in a soft but steady voice. "I know you don't want us here but you need to understand that we're not giving up on you."

She still didn't acknowledge his presence so he moved forward. He gently touched her hand and got her attention. She flinched at his touch assuring him that she was awake and hearing everything he said to her. So he continued, "we…I love you, don't ever forget that. I'll be right outside if you need me. There are some more people that would like to see you for a minute." He left then feeling just as bad as before.

Once he was outside the others were surprised at how fast he was done seeing her.

"That was fast Dr. M."

"I think I got my point across, Nigel go you're next," he nearly commanded.

"Yes sir," he said feeling a surge of happiness. As soon as he entered her room though he again felt powerless. Even though she didn't seem to be hurting, he knew she was in a great deal of pain besides the obvious wounds. "Jordan, hey it's Nigel," she was now facing away from the door. "I know you don't want me here but you need to know that I'm here for you, we all are. Let us in please." She still didn't acknowledge him so he decided to leave it at that for now. As he left the room he gave her one last look hoping that she turned her head but that wasn't the case.

Woody's heart started beating faster when he saw Nigel coming out of the room. He was up next. He slowly entered the room and saw her lying there facing away from the door. Not knowing if she was still awake he moved forward. Unlike Garret and Nigel he didn't speak he merely watched her. He was taking in the sight before him. All he could think about was how close he came to losing her. Tears slowly began to form and before he knew it he was sobbing. It began quietly at first but the sobs steadily grew louder and before he knew it, he was crying uncontrollably.

Jordan finally turned her face to the sound of someone crying by her bed. She was surprised to see who it was, "Woody?" she finally spoke.

The sound of her voice startled him, "Jordan! Oh my God Jordan! Jordan you're awake."

"Why are you crying?"

"Why am I crying…why am I crying?" he repeated thinking this could possibly be one of the stupidest questions ever asked, but at the same time more than relieved that she was here to ask the question. "I guess I am just…I'm just relieved to see you."

"To see _me_?" she wondered.

"Yes to see you! Jordan, please tell me you know we all love you and that you scared the living daylights out of us." He replied but quickly noticed her face still contained some element of surprise in it. "You don't? You think we don't care is that it?"

She turned her face away again. "No Jordan look at me, we care Jordan. We care a great deal…Jordan?"

She didn't get a chance to reply even if she wanted to which she didn't, as the doctor came in and interrupted them. "Mr. Hoyt, she needs to rest now. You can come again tomorrow."

"I need a few more minutes doc please." He couldn't leave her like this. Not now, not after everything that had happened.

"I'm sorry, visiting hours are over and Ms. Cavanaugh needs to rest. Please leave or I will have you escorted out." He hadn't forgotten Garret's behavior earlier and he wasn't about to let each and every one of them walk all over him. He got his way with this one as Woody reluctantly made his way to the door.

Just like Nigel did before he turned around for one last look, "I will be back tomorrow Jordan, we all will. Until then remember you are not alone. You're not alone as long as I am still around," and with that he left.

Sensing she was alone again Jordan faced the now closed door and looked around the room, "you're wrong Woody, I am alone."


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I don't own em…**

Her words were echoing in her mind long after they had all left. She was alone; at least that was how she felt. Besides her dreams and what else seemed to be haunting her, she was alone. Suddenly she felt suffocated, the room seemed to be getting smaller by the second and the urge to run was getting greater and greater.

Her body was the problem now. Earlier she was hurting but there were no visible wounds, now she was hurting everywhere and it showed. A simple draw of breath was now causing her physical pain. She was in some way relieved for the drugs the doctors gave her. It made her numb when it was working. She wished there was something she could take for the pain in her heart and soul.

She pushed the button for the nurse to come. As soon as the nurse entered the room she asked for more medication, "I need more meds. It hurts."

The nurse tried to calm Jordan down a bit, "Dr. Cavanaugh hi, I'm glad you're well enough to speak." She was referring to their earlier meeting when Jordan had simply refused to talk to any of the doctors or nurses. "Let's see now," she said while examining Jordan's chart. "It seems like your next dose isn't till 11:30. You still have a little while to go I'm afraid."

Jordan was fed up with her and she made it known, "what can't you understand here? I need more medication. It hurts, my whole body hurts!" she yelled at her.

"There's no need to yell Ms. Cavanaugh, I can ask the doctor but he'll just say the same thing." She said and left to find her doctor.

"Yeah you do that!" Jordan replied but the nurse was already gone. "What the hell is the matter with these people?" she thought aloud. "I need to get away from this place."

Not soon after her confrontation with the nurse her doctor paid her a visit. He informed her that they were merely following policy and that he couldn't give her more medication than necessary. He implied that as a doctor she should know that and then left making her feel even lower than before.

Outside her room the doctor stopped the nurse on duty as she passed by, "I need you to keep an eye on Cavanaugh here. She seems like trouble."

"What do you suggest doctor?"

"Merely to keep an eye on her and notify me if she's causing any more trouble. Her friends might think they can just waltz in here like they own the place but we don't need to accept that behavior from our patients."

"Doctor?" the nurse replied thinking he was taking things too far.

"Just do as I say that's all." He then left to attend to his other patients.

After the encounter with the doctor Jordan felt even more helpless than before. Realizing she was stuck and confined to her bed she did the only thing she could do. She buried her head in her pillow and sobbed till she finally fell asleep.

The night wasn't going easier on her friends either. Garret luckily could wallow in his misery alone, but Nigel and Woody couldn't really escape each other's company since they were sharing a room.

"She looked so fragile," Woody finally said after he couldn't bear the silence and the looks he was getting from Nigel anymore. "I've never seen her like this."

"She's hurting Woody, we need to stay strong for her," Nigel replied.

"I know. Speaking of which, what's going on with Dr. Macy? I didn't say anything before cause of the circumstances but I guess now is a good time to ask."

"Dr. Macy? He's fine, well considering..."

"Nigel cut the crap, I smelled the alcohol on him. What the hell is he thinking?" Woody started to become angry now thinking that Garret could very well screw things up with Jordan. He wasn't too happy with himself with breaking down in front of Jordan earlier; he certainly didn't need another person doing the same, especially Garret.

"Dr. M. has some problems that he _will_ work on once we get back to Boston. For the moment we need to remind ourselves why we're here. Do we want her back or not? Woody, I for one have never seen her like this. We've all seen Jordan run and hide on one occasion or another but nothing like this. This is very serious."

Woody merely nodded. The truth was he didn't know what to say, Nigel was right once again. He kept himself busy with calls to the BPD and finally decided to call it a night.

Nigel kept his promise to Lily and Bug and updated them with the latest on Jordan. He soon called it a night as well.

Garret however had some difficulty sleeping. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Jordan lying in front of him. Broken…mind body and spirit. It scared him to death. The solitude of his room forced him to face his fears. It could have very well been him lying there in that hospital bed. The way he had been treating his liver lately…yes he could have very well been there. It could have been a car accident. He clearly remembered driving home the other night knowing on some level that he shouldn't. He thought of Abby, what example was he setting for her this time? She had already mastered running from your problems. Did he really want her to find substance abuse as a means to escape your problems as well? It hadn't done him any good so why would he wish that for his own flesh and blood? "Because I'm selfish, that's why." His admittance took him by surprise. He needed to stop, for everyone's sake.


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I don't own em…**

The recovery was very slow. The hospital team wasn't surprised however. There is only so much the nurses and doctors can do but when a patient is refusing to cooperate in any way, then the process becomes very difficult for all involved. After two weeks of being in the same place Jordan was very close to losing it, in every sense of the word. She felt trapped and helpless. Two circumstances she didn't handle well under normal circumstances, making it worse seeing as how she couldn't even fight back now. She was soon known as 'the patient', the one that every nurse dreads to check up on because you know she might say or do something that you don't want to deal with.

In the two weeks that she was in the hospital she had managed to irritate the whole staff that was on her floor. During the day she would refuse to speak to anyone and if she did they'd wish she didn't. Nighttime was a different story. At night she would talk, she seemed to have vivid conversations. The issue at hand was that she was in a single room and none of the night nurses would go into her room besides the necessary check ups.

The rumors soon started to spread. The nurses often discussed her situation in the break room. Who was she talking to? What was her story? They'd feel sorry for her if she weren't so difficult to deal with. Each had a different account of her ordeal. The common thread in each story was that she was suicidal. That aspect wasn't lost on anyone. They often wondered about her three visitors. Who were the three men that seemed to visit her on a daily basis? Sometimes they came together and other times they appeared to come in shifts.

One of the nurses who seemed to have a bit more compassion towards Jordan than the rest decided to ask one of the men one day. Naturally it wasn't her business but curiosity was in her nature.

"Good afternoon Mr. Hoyt, I see it's you turn to visit Ms. Cavanaugh." There was no need to be anything but civil towards her friends. She figured they didn't want her to be here anymore than the nurses wanted.

"Hello, yeah I get to watch her today." He sounded bitterer than he had intended. The ordeal had left its mark on him. He wanted to be strong for her but in some days it was too difficult to keep up appearances.

"Oh, is everything ok Mr. Hoyt?" She replied, clearly hearing some kind of resentment in his voice. "Pardon my intrusion but if you ever need to talk to someone, we offer counseling for friends and relatives of people that have been…people that have been through Ms. Cavanaugh's situation.

He scoffed, "that's very kind of you but I doubt anyone has been in Jordan's _situation_."

"Oh no Mr. Hoyt I'm terribly sorry I never meant to suggest…"

"No it's ok really and please call me Woody. We do appreciate all of you putting up with Jordan. I mean I know she can be a handful and frankly this is the worst I've ever seen her." He seemed to be opening up to her.

"Really? I'm sorry to hear that and please call me Jenny."

"Thanks Jenny," he smiled. Something about Jenny seemed to relax him.

"Feel free to ask for me if you need to talk. I've seen family and friends succumb under the pressure of taking care of a loved one. I just wanted you to know that that doesn't have to happen. We can help you as well. Tell your friends as well, we're here if they need to talk."

"I appreciate that and I'll make sure to tell them that." For the first time in two weeks he managed to walk into Jordan's room with some confidence that everything will be all right, eventually.

With Woody gone to the hospital Nigel took the opportunity to have another heart to heart with Garret. He made his way to Garret's room. "Dr. M?" he said as he knocked on the door. "Are you there?"

There was no reply. He knocked again, louder this time. "Dr. Macy! Open the door!" He grew worried thinking and fearing the worst. Finally the door opened and Garret appeared before him.

"Nigel! Can't a man get some rest here?" He didn't appear intoxicated; then again looks can be deceiving.

"Dr. Macy, forgive me but when you didn't open the door I thought that…"

"You thought what? That I was back at it, that I was drinking away my miserable life? I thought I made it clear I'm done with all that." He left Nigel standing at the door and walked to the bed. When he sat down he motioned for Nigel to come in. "Just forget it ok. I'm not going down that road again." He paused when he saw the smile on Nigel's face. "Don't get so happy, I'm not doing it for you. This is for me."

"I think its great Dr. M, no matter the reason I think it's great of you to take that step. Can I ask you now if there are any updates?" he was referring to the promise Garret had made when Jordan was taken to the hospital. Two weeks had appeared to be a long time to keep both Woody and Nigel in the dark. He had told them a few days ago of his plan to have Jordan transferred over to a hospital in Boston.

He sighed, "No progress Nige, I'm sorry. I did the best I could when I saw Renee and some other people I know, but they seem to be reluctant to help. I guess she had made one too many enemies."

Nigel's smile quickly disappeared. Garret's plan had given him hope. Soon after being filled in Garret had taken a flight to Boston to set the plan in motion. He managed to check in on the morgue and talk to a few of his friends who owed him a favor or two. He hadn't seen Garret since he flew back in town the previous night so he was anxious to hear the progress that was made. Apparently he had been too hopeful. Not once did he think that Garret would be unsuccessful.

Seeing Nigel's disappointment he tried to explain what had happened. "It appears that she's under the care of a well connected doctor with a few tricks up his sleeve, you might remember Dr. Finch."

"That bastard!" Garret paused for a bit. He then smiled.

"Or that, yes it seems Dr. Finch is making it very hard for us to transfer her over. He seems determined to make life difficult for us."

"What could he possibly gain from this?"

"His ego was hurt that's all. He's merely displaying his power. I need to make one more phone call to a friend, if that doesn't work then we'll be using up a lot of vacation time."

"Dr. M you can't give up now!"

"Nigel I never give up, no matter what I'm going to get her out of that place and back to where she belongs."


	20. Chapter 20

_**Disclaimer: I don't own em…**_

**_A/N: Ok so this chapter is in the first person, it's weird but hey it's also fanfiction lol. _**

I got a call this morning. The person on the other end told me it was safe to return to Boston. Clueless as I am I asked what this meant. The final person I was counting on to clear the path for us did in fact do so. We can go home. It took a while for me to register what he was saying. The main goal since we came here was to bring her home. _Home…_a place she ran away from. Just now it dawns upon me that she will not like it, no she won't like it one bit. All this time she's been trying to get away from us, from everything and now we're taking her back. She'll fight it with everything she's got. I should probably tell the guys; at least they'll be happy to know we can go home.

Things are set in motion now. I manage to get out of my bed, not an easy task when you're desperate to stay put. I promised myself to fight whatever this is; I have to do it for Abby, for Jordan. Dressing myself seems to be a task but I get it done. I called the guys and I'm sure within seconds they'll be here wanting to know all about it. After waiting for a few minutes I hear a knock on the door…they're right on time.

As soon as I open the door they barge in the room. They have so many questions and I want to answer them but my head isn't working with me. I tell them to hold on and start explaining the call I got and whatever else I know. Well as much as I can because even I notice that at times I'm not making much sense. Great as they are, they both seem to be pretending that they're not noticing my out of normal behavior. I wonder why? Nigel has told me on more than occasion what he'll do if I screw this up and so I figure Woody must know as well. Yet they're still pretending…interesting.

I finally manage to get the whole story out and by the grace of God I apparently made some sense. Our next move is to leave for the hospital and inform the doctors and Jordan. On our way to the hospital it was decided that I should be the one to tell Jordan. It really must be my lucky day.

I try to clear my head on the way to the hospital. The tension in the car is so thick you can cut it with a knife. The guys seem to have something up their sleeves, they're too quiet. I seem to be getting to my old self again because I don't care what they have going on as long as it doesn't affect me. Then again what are the chances of that happening?

**_A/N:_** **_Ok so I can see that people are reading but there are few if any reviews. Come on let me know how it's going. I used to just write for the hell of it but slowly but surely I'm morphing into a review-ho lol. Come on they really make my day….review._**


	21. Chapter 21

_**Disclaimer: I don't own em…**_

"Free to go?"

"I know this seems like the worst thing that can happen to you after all the other stuff but you have to understand that we really want you back at home with us." _Ok so this is not going as well as I had hoped. Hell everything is better than what I was foreseeing_, Garret thought to himself. He had just informed Jordan of her release from the hospital. The guys so liberally gave him the task while they patiently waited outside in the waiting area. Needless to say she wasn't taking the news very well.

"Home? I don't know where that is anymore. I can't. I don't want to."

"Jordan, you can't stay here. These people…they don't know what's best for you." His second attempt to convince her.

She scoffed, "I don't even know what is best for me, why would they?"

_Ok so that didn't work either, _"Jordan, right now you don't care about pretty much anything. On some level I can relate, it just…it will get better I promise you."

"Promise? You promise me! Like all the others that promised never to leave me! Like…like my…" Her voice trailed off, not that Garret couldn't fill in the blanks.

"Yea Jor, I promise I won't leave you. I'm not like the others; it's going to take a lot for me to leave you. Give me…give us a chance. We haven't walked away from you ever."

She seemed to think for a second about what he had just said. "No, you haven't" she sounded so tiny. "But what if you do now? What if I go back and it gets worse? How can you promise to stay by my side if you don't know how bad it's going to get?

He placed his hand on hers, "because I love you. I'm done walking away from the people I love." He planted a kiss on her head and held her as gently as possible as she softly sobbed against his shoulder.

It was Jordan that spoke first, "Gar…take me away. Take me away from here."

For a moment time seemed to stand still. Did he really just hear what he thought he did? It would make everything easier but he couldn't trust himself to even hear things correctly at the moment. "Jordan, what was that?"

"I want to get out of here…just take me away. Anywhere is better than here…even Boston."

So he had heard it correctly, she wanted to leave, which was understandable, but she mentioned Boston. She wanted to go back home. One thing that concerned him though was the possibility that she was using them just to get out of the hospital. He felt guilty for suspecting her for such a thing but she had tricked them before.

"I'd be more than happy to take you away from here. I'm just going to step outside for a bit to finalize the paperwork and we'll be out of this place sooner than you know it." He planted a kiss on her head before leaving the room.

He took a final look before he left and was feeling good about the progress they had made in the time that they were here.


	22. Chapter 22

_**Disclaimer: I don't own em…**_

There was no way he could have foreseen what was to come. He did as he promised, after finalizing the paperwork Garret returned with a nurse so Jordan could be released. When they arrived at her room, she was nowhere to be found. At first they thought she was in the adjoining bathroom getting ready to leave, but as the nurse knocked and went inside they soon realized she wasn't anywhere to be found.

Gone. She was really gone. Garret could not believe the chain of events. She had managed to get away from them once again. This time she had done it right in front of their eyes. Woody and Nigel both were dumbfounded. They didn't understand why she would do such a thing and more so how she had managed to get away in her condition. Jordan's disappearance hurt even more this time because they thought they were actually making progress.

The hurt was plastered all over their faces. Each man had their own reason for being hurt, the cause however was the same…Jordan was gone. This time they feared the worst and it showed. Both Nigel and Garret were not the same this time around. They couldn't muster the strength to stage another search party. It was Woody this time around that stepped up to the plate and organized the men. For Woody this was the final straw, he had pitied her from the moment they had found her. Jordan disappearing the second time around had really opened his eyes. He had only wished that he had done so sooner, perhaps then she'd still be around.

What he came to realize was that he was treating her as a friend, not someone who desperately needed help. As he thought back at their journey he kept replaying all the instances where he could have been stronger for her. He knew that he needed to see this for what it was; Jordan needed help. She needed help and was now on the run. He would do what he did best, catch her. Catch her and help her save her life.

They first needed to come up with a plan. Woody directed Garret to go ask questions at the front desk. Surely someone must have seen her leave. Nigel was send to the main entrance. There was a large possibility she left that way. Woody teamed up with hospital security to question the patients that were on Jordan's floor. It took some persuasion to do so but as soon as Woody threatened to sue the hospital and Dr. Finch for everything they were worth they soon became more helpful than they had been since he met them all those weeks ago.

They first needed to find out how a patient that clearly couldn't walk was able to slip past all these people unnoticed. Jordan was recovering but not to the point where she could take off and walk out of the hospital. She must have had help. The question now was who could have helped her and why.

Woody and the hospital security formed a list of all the doctors and nurses that had come into contact with Jordan. Woody's main suspect had always been Dr. Finch. There was something about him that didn't sit well with him. Unfortunately his alibi had checked out, to the extend that he was able to check. Besides his disdain for Jordan and the rest of them Dr. Finch seemed to be cleared.

The only nurse that they hadn't been able to question was the nurse that had approached Woody a couple of nights ago, Jenny. At first they hadn't thought much of it but when she was late for her shift and eventually was several hours late, they became suspicious. When they gathered from the other nurses that Jenny had never missed a shift or even called in sick once in the 8 years she worked there, they knew she had to be the one that had helped Jordan.

Woody contacted the local police department and while it was too early and they couldn't provide any solid evidence that Jordan was on the run with the help of Jenny, he managed to get the cops looking for them unofficially as a favor to a fellow cop. With nothing else to find in the hospital they set out to Jenny's residence. Dr. Finch had been 'helpful' enough to give them the address and her last name even though it was against regulations.

They still didn't understand why Jenny would help Jordan escape. Woody had been the one that had had the most contact with Jenny. He'd sometimes talk with her when he was looking over Jordan in the hospital. She had been extremely nice and willing to listen to him when all the other nurses were not. He was trying to recall their conversations word for word. He went over them a thousand times in his head and was asked about it a couple thousand times more by Nigel. It was a dead end. She was overly concerned, but that seemed to be normal considering it was her job.

Getting more and more frustrated he decided to give his friends at the FBI a call. He asked them to run a check on Jenny Walters. He'd figured by the time they'd go through her house the FBI might be able to get the information they wouldn't be able to find from her house.

Jenny lived in a two bed townhouse. Everything seemed pretty normal besides the fact that most of her clothes seemed to be missing. At first glance that seemed to be all but both Nigel and Woody noticed little things like her toothbrush and some other toiletries were also missing. She was gone with no intentions of coming back.

Feeling like they had hit another dead end they left her house and were hoping to hear from the FBI soon. They decided to head back to the hotel and wait there for the call.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Jordan. Jordan wake up. We're here."

The light made her squint and it took a few seconds before she was adjusted to the brightness around her. "Where are we?" she asked as she looked around and didn't recognize her whereabouts.

"We're safe now Jordan. We're safe." Jenny set a tray with food beside the makeshift bed. She had brought her some soup. "Here let me help you up. I brought you some food, it's not much but it was the best I could do in such a short time."

Jordan started to remember how she got here and let Jenny help her up. "Are we alone?" She was indirectly asking whether her friends had a clue of where she was.

"As far as I know, yes. I made sure we weren't being followed and so far we haven't had any trouble. Come eat now."

She looked at the woman with the tray. She didn't know why she trusted her, but she did. Feeling too tired and hungry to analyze anything at the time she took the tray. "Thank you…for helping me that is."


	23. Chapter 23

_**Disclaimer: I don't own em…**_

_1 year later._

Garret was pondering on the latest murder case that they were working when he was interrupted by Nigel. "Dr. M. I think I found something." That was all he needed to say for Garret to get up and walk with him to trace.

The case was closed. The bad guys were caught. The good guys won. The victim got justice. It was what they set out to do. Yet it didn't make them feel any better. The fact of the matter was after returning without Jordan there was a hole left behind. A big gaping hole.

Nigel had returned to Boston a changed man. He always managed to take life less serious than the rest but that had now changed. He went strictly by the book on every case now; after all it was mostly Jordan that was his partner in crime.

Bug and Lily finally found each other. Their grief had drawn them closer to each other and they were now engaged. They had shared the news with the rest as they thought they needed to bring back some happiness. Everyone had welcomed and embraced it. Bug's love for Lily was no secret and if at least they could be happy, the rest was happy for them.

Woody's situation had been a different story. He had never worked harder in his life. Overtime, double-shifts, whatever there was to keep him from his empty apartment, he welcomed it. His work did pay off though, he earned several promotions and was making more money than he had ever dreamed. Still, it was nothing to him.

Lives were changes forever after that fateful day.

_1 year ago._

"No trace of them? Nothing!" Woody was yelling to the person on the other end of the line. He angrily threw his cell on the couch before him. He turned to Garret, "they're the most incompetent bunch of people I have ever met. They can't find them. They can't find a woman who can't even walk so she couldn't have gone far and they can't find the nurse who is helping her!"

Garret rubbed his forehead. A day had passed already and still no trace of them. "This is Jordan we're talking about here. We all know that she can make herself disappear if she wants to Woody".

"That's just it, this is not Jordan. It her body but her mind is not there anymore. We need to find her before she tries…before it's too late."

"Maybe Nigel has something for us," he said and they left.

Nigel had something but it wasn't much. "Ok guys, we're in LA as you know. Jordan knows this city. She's lived here, she's worked here, and basically she knows the ins and outs." One look at Garret let him know to move things along. "Well I couldn't find anything at first, it was rather frustrating to tell you the truth, but then I realized that Jordan would probably anticipate us doing this. You know looking at all her usual spots. I decided to take a closer look at the lovely nurse and then I found this." As he spoke he moved the screen to the two men so they could see for themselves what he was talking about.

"Nigel! You are the best! Let's go." Woody ordered but the men didn't care. They were happy to have found her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jordan and Jenny were holed up in a two-story condo owned by a friend Jenny's. She was house-sitting the place and since they couldn't exactly return to Jenny's place they came here instead. They planned to leave today so Jenny was packing their things. As she was packing she heard Jordan whimpering so she went to her room to see what was going on. When she entered the room she clearly heard Jordan call out a name, James.

She wondered who this James was. Jordan had never mentioned him before. She had talked with her at length about the three men that were probably now out looking for them, but never about James.

"Jordan? Dear wake up, it's a dream. It's just a dream."

Jordan abruptly woke up and opened her eyes. She had to adjust to the light in the room and for a split second she got worried she was caught but when she saw Jenny she calmed down a bit. "Jenny? I thought they had me, I thought they found me."

"No, no it's all right. I'm here with you. Don't worry they have no clue where we are and by the time they do, we'll be long gone." Her calm voice was very soothing to Jordan. "Jordan? Pardon my intrusion, but can I ask you a question?"

"Sure Jenny, it's the least I can do."

"Well in your sleep you called out for somebody. Now you've told me all about Garret, Nigel and Woody, but you never mentioned this name before. James? Who is James?"

The name hit her like a brick wall. James. It had been a while since she had talked about him. Not since that time when…it was too difficult for her to remember. "I mentioned James?" she asked Jenny.

"Yes, I heard you from down the hall. Thinking you were having another bad dream I came in to wake you up. You called for him just before you woke up. Who is he?"

"James…James he killed my mother. James he is my brother. He killed my brother, my father knew. Max he knew but they never told me. It's all right now; she told me…I know now."

She wasn't making any sense to Jenny, "Jordan? Sweetie you're not making any sense, who told you?"

"My mother told me. She told me the truth when everybody else lied to me. She needs me Jenny, I have to help her."

"But Jordan, didn't you just say that you're mother is dead? Then how could she have told you…"

"You're one of them! You're on their side aren't you?" Jordan looked at Jenny with tears in her eyes. "You are just like them. You're with them aren't you? Get out! Leave now!"

Jenny took a step back. "No, Jordan. I'm here to help you. I'm not on anybody's side but yours. You know that. I helped you get out, I brought you food, I'm taking care of you see?" She motioned to the tray of food that was still sitting beside her bed. "I helped you get away…do you remember?"

She thought for a moment, "No, I can't trust you anymore. I made a mistake. She told me not to trust you. Get out now! GET OUT!" She started to throw whatever she had in her reach.

Jenny who was clearly hurt by her accusations left the room. She went to the next room and cried. "I'm sorry," she said to the empty room. "I'm sorry Jordan, I thought I could help you but I can't. I couldn't help my sister then and I can't help you now." She picked up the phone and dialed a number. After the brief call she held the phone in her hand and broke down.


	24. Chapter 24

_**A/N: Ok guys, thanks for joining me on this ride…final chapter! I really appreciate all the reviews, advice, comments and just for reading it. **_

_**The story was set out to be sad, dramatic, dark and I think halfway through I lost some of my initial steam so it's not completely how I wanted it to be but I did always have this ending in mind...it's only fitting. Apologies for letting it drag on so long. Hope you like it. **_

_**This chapter is rated M for content. Read at your own risk, I will end it as dark as I started it…really so read at your own risk. **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own em…**_

The phone call was to the LAPD. She knew this was all a mistake. There was no way she could help Jordan and her attempt to do so merely aggravated the situation…she had made a mistake. She had wanted to help out of her own pain. She had watched her sister wither away and was not able to help her. When she saw Jordan, who was acting very similarly to her sister, she couldn't just sit by and watch her die. Jordan resembled her sister in every way imaginable, the hair, the body, her illness…she felt like she was given another chance. She watched her sister die but not Jordan. She would not let it come to that.

Now Jenny knew that it was all a mistake. It was foolish of her to think that the plan would work. Everything told her that it was impossible, her gut told her to stay away from Jordan, her professional opinion told her Jordan needed help, and logic told her they would never get away. Then there was hope…hope gave her what she needed to carry this entire thing out. She _hoped _Jordan would make it and she _hoped_ the pain of losing a sister would then heal.

The LAPD after Jenny's phone call connected with the lead detective on Jordan's case whom in turn called Woody. They had already found out from Nigel that Jenny had lost a sister and were on their way to the care home where her sister had stayed when they received the call.

"We're on our way and detective…thanks for all your help." Woody let out a sigh as he shut his phone. "Jenny turned herself in we have her location. They think Jordan is still with her. Nigel, put this address in the GPS…let's go get her guys."

They arrived at the condo before they knew it. There were two squad cars present already and the men were let in as soon as they showed proper identification.

They found Jenny in the living room her eyes fixed on nothing particular. She didn't respond when they called out her name. Now that they had Jenny they really wanted to find Jordan. Woody and Nigel went to go look for her while Garret stayed with Jenny.

The two men found Jordan in the first room to the right upstairs. Before they even went into the room they could hear someone speaking very loudly. Since they weren't sure that Jordan was alone, Woody drew his gun as a precaution. There was a chance that a third person was in the house beside the two women.

Once they stepped inside they could see Jordan lying on the bed. She was shouting, but after a quick scan of the room they realized there was no one else present. It hurt them to see her like this again. She turned to them then, "so you're here to get me? There's no way you're going to do the same thing to me as you did to her! No, she told me everything. Get away from me!"

She was trying to sit up but her injuries held her back. Woody stepped forward first, "Jordan no. We're here to help you. Jordan, do you remember who we are" he said as he pointed to Nigel and himself.

This seemed to make her think for a moment, "Yeah, I'm not crazy. I know who you are. She told me not to trust you, she told me you'd hurt me. I won't let you, do you hear me?"

He continued to take steps towards her regardless of her warnings. "Jordan, I would never hurt you on purpose. Jordan look at me," he said as he sat on the bed so he could touch her arm. "Hey, it's me Woody. The man behind me is Nigel. He's one of your closest friends. We've brought Garret along as well, he's downstairs. We're here because we love you very much and we want you with us."

She didn't seem to respond to this. She kept his gaze for a few seconds before she started to look around the room. "Woody?" she said as she looked back at him. "Please make it stop. Make it stop." She said before she broke down in tears.

Woody, who still had his gun in one hand, put it down next to him as he pulled her into an embrace making sure he didn't hurt her. "I want to help Jordan. Let me in Jordan, just let me in please."

Jordan said something that he couldn't understand since she was sobbing so hard. "Jor? What was that? Jordan?" He grew worried all of a sudden.

She looked back and forth to Nigel and Woody, "please forgive me…please." She then reached for Woody's gun. "Please let me go, it'll never end…" She then quickly picked it up and placed it on her left temple pulling the trigger before either of them could even utter a word.

The aftermath was unlike anything they had ever been through. As soon as Garret heard the shot he flew up the stairs. Nigel screamed as he lunged forward to get the gun from her hand. Woody who was the closest managed to get a hold of her arm but it was too late…she was too fast for any of them.

Nigel fell to his knees screaming her name…sobbing uncontrollably while hitting himself. Garret froze at the door; he couldn't enter the room after what he saw…after he saw Jordan. Woody was violently screaming Jordan's name. He was holding her tightly while crying. Pretty soon the police swarmed into the room and they were pulled away from the room.

_1 year later._

The morgue was going into the night shift and Garret was on his way out when he spotted Nigel still behind his computer. "Nigel? You coming?"

Nigel looked up from his screen, "Dr. M. I'll meet you there. I have to finish this report."

"Nigel, the report isn't due till Monday…it's Friday and you have the weekend shift. It can wait. Come on let's go." He said as he motioned him out of his chair.

"Quite right, but I need to work on the Seltzer case as well. Dr. M. I have to finish this, I have a deadline and…"

"Nige, do it for Jordan. Let's go now, they're waiting for us." For a moment it appeared that a smile was forming on Nigel's lips. He shut down his computer and followed Garret to the elevator. "Thanks Nigel, she would have liked to see you break the rules again."

"Yeah, she would have."

"Come on I'll drive."

The drive was pretty silent. Both men were in deep thought. As soon as they arrived they saw the rest of the gang was already there. They greeted each other with hugs and walked inside one by one. At the front of the room was Father Paul, he was walking around shaking the hands of the people that were present. He walked towards the newcomers as soon as he spotted them. "Hello, thanks for coming. I want to start so if you'd take your seats…"

When everyone was seated he began, "Thank you all for coming and understanding why we had to come here to remember one of our loved ones." He paused for a second as he looked at the pictures of Jordan surrounding them. "We're here to remember the memory of Jordan Cavanaugh. There are a ton of memories that are rushing back to me now as I stand here in the living room of her house, Max's house. I'm sure you all have your own memories of her and you will have a chance to tell us your memories if you would like to. I want to first say that God loves all his children; he loves _all_ of his children unconditionally. Now is there anyone that wants to share something about Jordan to us?"

The night went on with each person sharing a story about Jordan. They shared their favorite Jordan-quote, some of the memories they had; good and bad. They were crying for the pain that she went through but there was also laughter for all the _sticky_ situations she managed to get into. Garret started the night off, "I've known Jordan for a very long time. She was my bestests girlfriend…"

_END_

_**A/N: soooo let me know what you think. Thanks for reading. **_


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